Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
This response is estimated at Band 7.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
In recent times, olderIn recent times older people are extensively employed in leading positions by the majority of large companies. Some people state that business organisations should encourage employees to give up their high positions at the age of 55 to give a chance to the younger generation, with which I partially agree.
To begin with, a lot of executive positionsexecutive job positions require advanced working skills because of this younger people might not be eligible for certain positions. Older people have greater experience workinghave a better experience in working in some career fields; as a result, they offer more opportunities to the companies in order to achieve higher service levels and a competitive positiondesignated place in the mass market. Younger people who have not yet developed essential working skills and knowledge might face more challenges in this process.
On the other hand, the younger generation is known for itstheir creative ideas. As contemporary consumer interestsnowadays social interests are changing rapidly and various new trends are entering the market, younger people are able to analyze modern problemsthe modern problems thoroughly and offer more socially acceptable solutions. Furthermore, younger people are better prepared to face technological advancements as they are exposed to various technologies from an early age. For instance, today, social mediatoday social media plays a substantial role in a lot of companies' marketing strategiesprocess, the younger generation is able to provide better media content for society, which will result in companies' global popularisation.
In conclusion, even though older people are more advanced in their career and have more experience, younger people are also beneficial for companies' development process as they provide creative and widely acceptable ideas.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay effectively presents a balanced position by examining both the value of experienced older executives and the advantages of introducing younger staff. Paragraphs are logically structured, and ideas are supported with relevant examples such as technological adoption. To reach a higher standard, the response would benefit from deeper elaboration on whether mandatory retirement at age 55 is truly justified, alongside minor corrections to sentence boundary punctuation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay presents a clear partial agreement position and supports both perspectives with relevant arguments.
Deepen the analysis by directly evaluating whether forcing departure specifically at age 55 is a balanced policy.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clear paragraphing and appropriate transition signals.
Enhance cohesive flow by using a wider variety of linking structures rather than relying on standard formulaic connectors.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of topic-specific vocabulary with effective expression of complex ideas.
Focus on refining word partnerships and collocations to ensure natural phrasing throughout the essay.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good variety of complex grammatical structures is produced with generally clear meaning.
Eliminate run-on sentences and comma splices by using appropriate punctuation and conjunctions between independent clauses.