Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
This response is estimated at Band 7.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
In recent times, olderIn recent times older people are extensively employed in leading positions by the majority of large companies. Some people state that business organisations should encourage employees to give up their high positions at the age of 55 to give a chance to the younger generation , with which I partially agree.with which I partially agree.
To begin with, a lot of executive job positions require advanced working skills because of this younger people might not be eligible for certain positions. Older people have a greater experience working inbetter experience in working in some career fields; as a result, they offer more opportunities to the companies in order to achieve higher service levels and a strong market positiondesignated place in the mass market. Younger people who have not yet developed essential working skills and knowledge might face more challenges in this process.
On the other hand, the younger generation is knownknow for their creative ideas. As nowadays social interests are changing rapidly and various new trends are entering the market, younger people are able to analyze the modern problems thoroughly and offer more socially acceptable solutions. Furthermore, younger people are better prepared to face technological advancements as they are exposed to various technologies from an early age. For instance, today, social mediaFor instance, today social media plays a substantial role in a lot of companies' marketing process, the younger generation is able to provide better media content for societythe society, which will result in companies' greater brand recognitionglobal popularisation.
In conclusion, even though older people are more advanced in their career and have more experience, younger people are also beneficial for companies' development process as they provide creative and widely acceptable ideas.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay presents a clear position and supports both sides of the argument logically with relevant examples. Paragraph structure is maintained well, and ideas flow smoothly across the main body. To raise your performance, refine run-on sentence structures and improve minor grammatical accuracy, such as preposition usage and subject-verb agreement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
You presented a clear, balanced opinion that directly addressed the prompt and supported key points with relevant details.
Ensure you explicitly address the specific age mentioned in the prompt (55 years old) to make your response fully focused.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organized into distinct paragraphs with clear central topics and appropriate transition words.
Vary your cohesive devices slightly more to avoid relying on repetitive patterns like starting body paragraphs with basic linkers.
Lexical Resource
You demonstrated a good range of vocabulary suitable for the topic, using phrases like 'technological advancements' and 'socially acceptable solutions'.
Pay attention to correct word choices and prepositional collocations, such as 'experience in working' or 'popularisation'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentence forms is used, but punctuation errors like comma splices and minor grammatical lapses recur.
Focus on fixing comma splices by using semi-colons or conjunctions to separate independent clauses correctly.