Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Although the young workforce usually has the enthusiastic spirit and always keen for making changes, but I disagree with giving the higher positions for the younger stuff. It is kind of common sense that the more you work the more you learn and the more your experience accumulates and letting go of older people at an early age like 55 is such a waste of valuable asset which is: experience. I strongly support the idea of giving the young workers second-in-command posts or apprenticing positions where they can watch and learn from experienced staff and they might also be given an advisory role so we can mingle the expertise with enthusiasm. On the contrary, I strongly believe that companies should give the experienced stuff stimulation to stay in order to harness their experience. On one hand, some may argue that retiring at the age of 55 will give the chance to the younger employees, but on the other hand, this will have many disadvantages: since leaving the work when being able to is a waste of capabilities, not to mention all the moneys that will be paid for social security in return for no work aside from leaving the job at 55 when taking into consideration the life expectancy in most of the developed countries which is in average 75 years is considerably low. For the young people assuming high positions is regarded as a high risk, since they usually lack the experience and the know-how to handle the pressure these positions usually have. In conclusion, companies should tap both the experience of the old stuff and the keen-spirited young through working side by side.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix article choice Original: the Suggested revision: an Why it matters: A singular countable noun needs an article, and 'an' fits this first mention.
- 2. Add verb and infinitive Original: always keen for making Suggested revision: is always keen to make Why it matters: The clause needs the verb 'is', and 'keen' is followed naturally by an infinitive here.
- 3. Remove double contrast Original: , but I disagree Suggested revision: , I disagree Why it matters: The opening 'Although' already marks concession, so 'but' should not introduce the main clause.
- 4. Fix determiner and preposition Original: giving the higher positions for Suggested revision: giving higher positions to Why it matters: This general plural does not need 'the', and positions are given 'to' people.
- 5. Use staff for employees Original: stuff Suggested revision: staff Why it matters: 'Staff' means employees, whereas 'stuff' means things or material.
- 6. Use formal phrasing Original: It is kind of common sense Suggested revision: It is widely understood Why it matters: This replacement expresses the same claim in a more appropriate academic register.
- 7. Clarify the age example Original: at an early age like 55 Suggested revision: at the relatively early age of 55 Why it matters: The revision states the comparison more precisely and formally.
- 8. Add missing article Original: a waste of valuable asset Suggested revision: a waste of a valuable asset Why it matters: The singular countable noun 'asset' requires an article.
- 9. Introduce the specification Original: which is: experience Suggested revision: namely, experience Why it matters: 'Namely' introduces the specific asset cleanly without the incorrect colon construction.
- 10. Remove unnecessary article Original: the young workers Suggested revision: young workers Why it matters: The phrase refers to young workers generally, so the definite article is unnecessary.
- 11. Use the correct noun Original: apprenticing Suggested revision: apprenticeship Why it matters: 'Apprenticeship' is the noun used for this type of training position.
- 12. Fix the logical link Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: Furthermore Why it matters: This sentence adds support to the preceding proposal rather than contradicting it.
Suggested Rewrites
- the an
- always keen for making is always keen to make
- , but I disagree , I disagree
- giving the higher positions for giving higher positions to
- stuff staff
- It is kind of common sense It is widely understood
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a clear disagreement and offers several relevant reasons for retaining experienced employees, including mentoring and institutional knowledge. Its main limitation is that the argument is presented as a single, frequently faulty chain of sentences, which weakens clarity and development. The priority is to organise two distinct supporting ideas into separate paragraphs and express each through shorter, accurately controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and supported with several relevant ideas, though some points are asserted or crowded together rather than fully explained.
Develop two main reasons in separate paragraphs, supporting each with a precise explanation or realistic example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has a discernible sequence, but the lack of effective paragraphing and an exceptionally long sentence seriously weaken progression and readability.
Use a clear introduction, focused body paragraphs, and shorter linking sentences instead of connecting many claims in one chain.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, but frequent word-choice and collocation errors such as confusing staff with stuff reduce precision.
Prioritise accurate formal collocations for employees, retirement, incentives, and experience, and check repeated key words carefully.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of structures is attempted, but frequent agreement, article, preposition, and sentence-boundary errors undermine control and sometimes strain comprehension.
Break long constructions into complete sentences and check each clause for a subject, finite verb, and correct agreement.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.