When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Most people believe that the wage is the main factor of making a decision for a career. In my opinion, I disagree with this idea as I will discuss in the following paragraph.
There are several reasons that make me not suppose to support this idea. Firstly, I believe that job satisfaction will make people working with efficiency and productivity. Secondly, you might get more stress when you get more salary. For example, most of the occupations including a doctor, or a pilot get a higher salary. However, they are taking more responsibility in their roles as they are working with people lives so they could make a smaller mistake or any mistake could not be made while they are working. Finally, money is not everything. Some people are addicted to the amount of money and spent a lot of time on their career without recreation, or society with other people such as friends, parents, and loved one.
On the other hand, considerations in the earning with a career also have some positive sides. To begin with, money is not everything but our quality of life depends on it. With a huge amount of money, we are able to purchase a bigger house, a luxury car, and other things that make our live convenience. Another reason to take wages into consideration is the more salary will push us to work harder that it opens an opportunity to get into higher positions. Moreover, a high salary represents a successful in our live. Most of the people who get higher payment on their career are the one who has got an outstanding education, high level of technical skills, or participated in many activities that benefit to the social.
In conclusion, I don’t believe that earning is the main features to take into consideration while choosing a career, job satisfaction should be the first factor to consider while selecting an occupation, without it, we will not happy with our roles and we can’t grow up with our career path.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Collocation Original: main factor of making Suggested revision: main factor in making Why it matters: Factor takes in here.
- 2. Plural reference Original: following paragraph Suggested revision: following paragraphs Why it matters: Several paragraphs follow.
- 3. Unclear phrase Original: make me not suppose to support Suggested revision: lead me to reject Why it matters: The original is not idiomatic.
- 4. Verb pattern Original: make people working Suggested revision: make people work Why it matters: Make takes a bare infinitive.
- 5. Possessive Original: people lives Suggested revision: people's lives Why it matters: A possessive form is required.
- 6. Natural expression Original: addicted to the amount of money Suggested revision: obsessed with earning money Why it matters: This conveys the intended meaning naturally.
- 7. Tense Original: spent a lot of time Suggested revision: spend a lot of time Why it matters: The general statement needs present tense.
- 8. Parallel meaning Original: without recreation, or society Suggested revision: without leisure or social contact Why it matters: Society is not parallel with recreation.
- 9. Concise phrase Original: considerations in the earning Suggested revision: considering earnings Why it matters: The original noun phrase is awkward.
- 10. Word forms Original: make our live convenience Suggested revision: make our lives more comfortable Why it matters: Both noun and adjective forms are wrong.
- 11. Noun form Original: represents a successful Suggested revision: represents success Why it matters: Successful is an adjective.
- 12. Wrong noun Original: benefit to the social Suggested revision: benefit society Why it matters: Society is the intended noun.
Suggested Rewrites
- main factor of making main factor in making
- following paragraph following paragraphs
- make me not suppose to support lead me to reject
- make people working make people work
- people lives people's lives
- addicted to the amount of money obsessed with earning money
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay maintains a clear disagreement and considers both job satisfaction and the practical value of income, so the central response is easy to identify. However, development is often general, the counterargument is not fully reconciled with the position, and frequent collocation and grammar errors reduce precision. Focus on one well-supported reason per paragraph and edit sentence structures for agreement, articles and natural word combinations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear position is sustained and relevant reasons are offered, but support is general and the concession is insufficiently evaluated.
Explain why non-salary factors ultimately outweigh the benefits of pay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and basic progression are clear, though linking is mechanical and some long sentences run together.
Use topic sentences that connect each paragraph to the stated position.
Lexical Resource
Relevant vocabulary is attempted, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms limit precision.
Use common employment collocations and check noun forms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally accessible, but agreement, clause structure and article errors are frequent.
Simplify long sentences and check each verb against its subject.