When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is certainly true that payment is a necessary thing to consider in preferring a line of work, but it is not the most important one. This argument will be proven that a harmonious workplace and love of work are the leading factors in choosing a job. For one, working with people in our job area harmoniously is more significantly weighed in work preference than what a person may earn. For example, I am currently working as an ICU (Intensive Care Unit) nurse in a tertiary level and a private hospital called the Urdaneta Sacred Heart Hospital here in the Philippines, and I have chosen to work in this unit because I have too many companions in the hospital. My workmates, friendship and support for my career growth are things that I considered more important than my earnings every month. So I believe that working in a harmonious environment is more about taking into considerations. In addition to this, loving what we do is as important as working in an environment harmoniously when choosing an occupation. For instance, I have a strong compassion for other people, especially for the elderly as well as I love touching their lives make a difference, which is nursing is all about. Thus, I preferred to become an ICU nurse. I am also certain that all of the professionals chose their line of occupation because they are happy with what they are actually doing. In conclusion, harmoniously interacting with our co-workers in our work environment and being satisfied with what we are doing are the most important considerations in selecting a job. It is not the salary. So choose an occupation with a supportive environment and that you are happy to do with.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural phrase Original: payment is a necessary thing Suggested revision: salary is an important factor Why it matters: This is more precise and academic.
- 2. Word choice Original: preferring a line of work Suggested revision: choosing a line of work Why it matters: Choose is the natural verb here.
- 3. Awkward passive Original: This argument will be proven that Suggested revision: This essay will argue that Why it matters: The original structure is ungrammatical.
- 4. Natural noun phrase Original: love of work Suggested revision: enjoyment of the work Why it matters: This is clearer and more idiomatic.
- 5. Unnatural phrase Original: more significantly weighed in work preference Suggested revision: more important in choosing a job Why it matters: The original phrase is difficult to process.
- 6. Word choice Original: job area Suggested revision: workplace Why it matters: Workplace is the intended meaning.
- 7. Article/preposition error Original: in a tertiary level and a private hospital Suggested revision: in a private tertiary-level hospital Why it matters: This noun phrase is more grammatical.
- 8. Wrong meaning Original: too many companions Suggested revision: many supportive colleagues Why it matters: Too many is negative; supportive colleagues matches the argument.
- 9. Parallel nouns Original: My workmates, friendship and support Suggested revision: My workmates’ friendship and support Why it matters: The possessive form shows that friendship and support belong to workmates.
- 10. Fixed phrase Original: taking into considerations Suggested revision: taking into consideration Why it matters: The standard phrase uses singular consideration.
- 11. Clause error Original: as well as I love touching their lives make a difference Suggested revision: and I love touching their lives and making a difference Why it matters: The original combines clauses without a clear structure.
- 12. Clause structure Original: which is nursing is all about Suggested revision: which is what nursing is all about Why it matters: This fixes the relative clause.
Suggested Rewrites
- payment is a necessary thing salary is an important factor
- preferring a line of work choosing a line of work
- This argument will be proven that This essay will argue that
- love of work enjoyment of the work
- more significantly weighed in work preference more important in choosing a job
- job area workplace
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay gives a clear disagreement and supports it with workplace harmony and love of work. The response is relevant, but the evidence is heavily personal and does not fully examine why salary might still matter.
Briefly acknowledge salary as necessary, then explain why job satisfaction and workplace culture are more important in the long term.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument is understandable but submitted as one long paragraph. Progression is present, yet several sentences run together and examples are not clearly separated from explanation.
Use paragraphs for introduction, workplace environment, job satisfaction, and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for employment and motivation, but word choice is sometimes awkward or repetitive.
Use natural collocations such as salary, career choice, supportive workplace, job satisfaction, colleagues, and career development.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent grammar errors with articles, prepositions, noun phrases, and clause structure reduce accuracy, though the main meaning is usually clear.
Shorten long sentences and check every sentence for a clear subject, verb, and object.