When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In today's expensive world, needs of the people are growing day by day. To fulfil all their desires, money is an important factor. Therefore, to some people, salary is the first thing to look at when choosing a job. To an extent, this can be considered right, but, I cannot totally rely on the amount of money I am being paid for my work. There are various other factors to be seen when looking for a job. Some of them are discussed in the below paragraphs. People enjoy their jobs when they are doing the work that they wanted. Hence, personal satisfaction is the factor that matters. For example if a doctor works in a high profile hospital of a city, where he gets a handsome amount of salary, but does not enjoy his work because he is not getting to experience different types of patients and cannot experiment with his skills as he would be doing if he were in a rural area. Then what is the use of having a high salary? His skills are being restricted. Job satisfaction is, therefore, important for the person to give his fullest in the field. Second, vital factor to see is the ambience of the workplace. The colleagues, with whom he is going to work and the employer should be cooperative, understanding, friendly and make up a good team so that it is easy for the person to work with and feels comfortable and relaxed. Finally, comes the reputation of the company or a workplace. Good rapport in the market and with the customers is necessary to achieve success in future; otherwise, the growth will be hampered. To sum up, the aforementioned factors should be kept in mind when choosing a job. According to me, salary off course matters, but it is not only the thing that should be looked for.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Missing article Original: needs of the people Suggested revision: the needs of people Why it matters: The needs of people is more natural in this general statement.
- 2. Natural linker Original: To an extent Suggested revision: To some extent Why it matters: To some extent is the standard phrase.
- 3. Verb choice Original: various other factors to be seen Suggested revision: various other factors to consider Why it matters: Consider is the correct verb for choosing a job.
- 4. Mechanical phrase Original: discussed in the below paragraphs Suggested revision: discussed below Why it matters: Discussed below is simpler and more natural.
- 5. Missing comma Original: For example if a doctor Suggested revision: For example, if a doctor Why it matters: Use a comma after For example.
- 6. Unnatural collocation Original: a handsome amount of salary Suggested revision: a high salary Why it matters: High salary is the natural phrase.
- 7. Sentence fragment Original: if he were in a rural area. Then what is the use Suggested revision: if he were in a rural area, then what is the use Why it matters: Then what is the use completes the conditional idea and should not be a separate fragment.
- 8. Missing article Original: Second, vital factor Suggested revision: Second, a vital factor Why it matters: Factor is singular and countable.
- 9. Workplace phrase Original: ambience of the workplace Suggested revision: working environment Why it matters: Working environment is more common in IELTS essays.
- 10. Incomplete object Original: easy for the person to work with Suggested revision: easy for the person to work there Why it matters: Work with needs an object; work there fits the context.
- 11. Wrong collocation Original: Good rapport in the market Suggested revision: A good reputation in the market Why it matters: A company has a reputation in the market, not rapport.
- 12. Spelling error Original: salary off course matters Suggested revision: salary of course matters Why it matters: The phrase is of course, not off course.
Suggested Rewrites
- needs of the people the needs of people
- To an extent To some extent
- various other factors to be seen various other factors to consider
- discussed in the below paragraphs discussed below
- For example if a doctor For example, if a doctor
- a handsome amount of salary a high salary
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay clearly disagrees with the idea that salary is the only important consideration and gives relevant alternatives: job satisfaction, workplace atmosphere, and company reputation. Development is adequate, but the argument is one-sided and the doctor example is rather long and not fully realistic.
Acknowledge why salary matters, then explain why satisfaction and work environment may be equally or more important.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a sensible order, but the whole essay is written as one block, which reduces cohesion. Some transitions are basic and the phrase discussed in the below paragraphs is mechanical.
Use paragraphing and clearer topic sentences for each factor: salary, satisfaction, work environment, and reputation.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for the topic, with phrases such as personal satisfaction, ambience, cooperative, reputation, rapport, and growth. Some word choices are unnatural or misspelled, including handsome amount of salary, ambience, and off course.
Use natural workplace language: competitive salary, job satisfaction, working environment, career growth, company reputation, and of course.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response is understandable and includes complex sentences, but errors in articles, punctuation, prepositions, pronoun consistency, and sentence boundaries are frequent.
Break long examples into shorter sentences and check article use before singular countable nouns such as factor, doctor, workplace, and company.