When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It has been proven that salary has been one of the important factors when people are looking for a job but undeniably, different people have various opinions about their favourite job which are directly depended on people’ ages, their characters, expectation, qualification and the economic situation.
In fact, there is an acute difference between aged employees and fresh graduates to find their desired jobs. In another word, the youths consider work experience and want to enhance their abilities when they are choosing a job. While considerably ages and experienced people are looking for the better salary as they have obtained enough skills on their professions.
Also, the economic situation is another important factor when people are choosing their jobs. Put another way, some people prefer to have a job with a lower wage while the country is experiencing the shortage of work. For example, these days some European countries such as Greece or Spain are struggling with the bad economic situation and there are lots of unemployed people living there. So these people just want a job no matter how much the salary is. And the last parameter is related to people’s characters. It denotes that people have various requests from their jobs and it is not possible to write a prescription for all of the people on this matter. For instance, some find the work environment as the most important factor of a job, some other pay attention to the quality of relations between colleagues and some just are interested in the figure of the salary.
I think, therefore, satisfaction in a job is such a sophisticated issue and it is not logical to believe that the salary is the most important parameter for a good job. Perhaps because of this reason, lots of researches have been conducted to find the best job elements to satisfy employees.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Tense and article Original: salary has been one of the important factors Suggested revision: salary is one of the important factors Why it matters: The general statement is better in the present simple.
- 2. Agreement and verb form Original: their favourite job which are directly depended on Suggested revision: their ideal job, which depends directly on Why it matters: Job is singular and depend should not be passive here.
- 3. Plural nouns Original: expectation, qualification Suggested revision: expectations, qualifications Why it matters: The list refers to these factors generally.
- 4. Natural adjective Original: an acute difference Suggested revision: a clear difference Why it matters: Acute is not the best collocation for this comparison.
- 5. Fixed expression Original: In another word Suggested revision: In other words Why it matters: The linking phrase is plural.
- 6. Natural subject Original: the youths Suggested revision: young people Why it matters: Young people is more natural in this context.
- 7. Fragment and word form Original: While considerably ages and experienced people Suggested revision: By contrast, older and more experienced people Why it matters: The original is a sentence fragment with incorrect word forms.
- 8. Article use Original: the better salary Suggested revision: a better salary Why it matters: This is an indefinite singular noun phrase.
- 9. Preposition error Original: on their professions Suggested revision: in their professions Why it matters: The standard preposition is in.
- 10. Natural phrase Original: the shortage of work Suggested revision: a shortage of jobs Why it matters: This better matches the economic context.
- 11. Formal transition Original: And the last parameter Suggested revision: The final factor Why it matters: Starting with And is less formal, and parameter is too technical here.
- 12. Unnatural idiom Original: write a prescription for all of the people Suggested revision: set one rule for everyone Why it matters: The intended meaning is clear but the expression is unnatural.
Suggested Rewrites
- salary has been one of the important factors salary is one of the important factors
- their favourite job which are directly depended on their ideal job, which depends directly on
- expectation, qualification expectations, qualifications
- an acute difference a clear difference
- In another word In other words
- the youths young people
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay presents a clear disagreement and gives relevant reasons: age, experience, economic conditions, personality, workplace environment, and relationships. Some ideas are repetitive or not fully developed as reasons against salary being the most important factor.
State the disagreement in the introduction and develop two main reasons with examples instead of listing many parameters.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is present and the overall progression is understandable. However, some sentence fragments and abrupt transitions reduce cohesion.
Use one clear topic sentence per body paragraph and avoid starting standalone fragments with While or And.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate but often imprecise or unnatural, including acute difference, prescription, parameter, and figure of the salary.
Use simpler, accurate collocations such as major difference, single rule, factor, and salary level.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors in agreement, word form, articles, and sentence structure are noticeable, especially in complex sentences. Meaning remains mostly clear but accuracy is limited.
Revise long sentences into shorter clauses and check whether each subject has a complete verb.