When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In the contemporary epoch, people are employed in a diverse range of occupations for their everyday survival. It is typically believed that the most crucial aspect while selecting our job is monetary incentives. However, in my perspective, I vehemently disaccord with the assertion, and I will elucidate my views with credible illustrations in the forthcoming paragraphs.
Analyzing the given statement and elaborating further, possessing a job is the most pivotal accomplishment in our life. It defines our lifestyle and reverence in society. Nevertheless, there are numerous other factors that have to be considered rather than just salary. To exemplify, we should be satisfied and contented with the work we are employed in. Nowadays, individuals are deprived of mental peace as they are in the race to fill their pockets. This leads to a lack of happiness and several physical and psychological challenges, which gradually causes adverse effects on our own well-being. Employees are forced to attend therapy sessions if they are prone to stress, depression, and anxiety if they work relentlessly to substantially increase their salary. However, we must enjoy the work, and it should be fun-filled. Therefore, we have to look after our health and excitement instead of contemplating salary.
Probing ahead, during the interview process, there are multifarious incentives that the employers offer. These have to be considered appropriate as they play a crucial role for employees and our family members. For instance, provident funds are given to workers and ensure that they have required savings post-retirement. This guarantees them that they have ample savings to look after themselves and their peers. Furthermore, there are multiple allowances such as fuel, travel, telephone, and medical policies, beneficial for daily expenditures. Thus there are enormous aspects that must be reviewed during employment procedures.
Taking everything into consideration, although the pay is significant for any person, many other reasons must be reviewed, such as job satisfaction, a healthy lifestyle, and allowances in employment.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: In the contemporary epoch Suggested revision: In contemporary society Why it matters: This phrase expresses the time setting more naturally and precisely.
- 2. Use precise purpose Original: for their everyday survival Suggested revision: to support themselves Why it matters: The revision states the purpose of employment more naturally.
- 3. Correct the collocation Original: aspect while selecting our job Suggested revision: factor when choosing a job Why it matters: A job choice involves considering a factor, and the general statement should not shift to our job.
- 4. Correct the preposition Original: in Suggested revision: from Why it matters: The standard expression uses from rather than in.
- 5. Use the correct verb Original: vehemently disaccord Suggested revision: strongly disagree Why it matters: Disagree is the appropriate verb for rejecting an assertion.
- 6. Fix number and scope Original: most pivotal accomplishment in our life Suggested revision: most pivotal accomplishments in our lives Why it matters: The superlative construction and plural reference require accomplishments and lives here.
- 7. Choose the intended noun Original: reverence Suggested revision: status Why it matters: Status expresses social standing, whereas reverence means deep respect.
- 8. Clarify the comparison Original: factors that have to be considered rather than just salary Suggested revision: factors besides salary that should be considered Why it matters: The revision correctly contrasts salary with the other factors being considered.
- 9. Remove redundancy Original: satisfied and contented Suggested revision: satisfied Why it matters: The two adjectives convey nearly the same meaning, so one is sufficient.
- 10. Use a natural phrase Original: work we are employed in Suggested revision: work we do Why it matters: This is a more idiomatic way to refer to an employee's work.
- 11. Fix agreement and phrasing Original: which gradually causes adverse effects Suggested revision: which can gradually have adverse effects Why it matters: The plural antecedent challenges does not agree with causes, and have adverse effects is the natural construction.
- 12. Use the relevant concept Original: health and excitement Suggested revision: health and job satisfaction Why it matters: Job satisfaction accurately names the positive quality discussed in this paragraph.
Suggested Rewrites
- In the contemporary epoch In contemporary society
- for their everyday survival to support themselves
- aspect while selecting our job factor when choosing a job
- in from
- vehemently disaccord strongly disagree
- most pivotal accomplishment in our life most pivotal accomplishments in our lives
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear disagreement and supports it with two relevant areas: job satisfaction and employment benefits. Its main limitation is that some explanations are generalized or only loosely connected to the claim, while conspicuously formal vocabulary often sounds unnatural. Prioritize developing each reason with a precise, realistic example and expressing it in natural academic language rather than relying on inflated phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and supported by two relevant reasons, although parts of the development remain generalized.
Use one precise, realistic example for each reason and explain explicitly how it outweighs salary as a consideration.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through distinct reasons, but several formulaic transitions and loose references reduce cohesion.
Replace mechanical paragraph openers with direct topic sentences and ensure each pronoun or reference has an unmistakable antecedent.
Lexical Resource
There is a broad vocabulary range, but frequent unnatural collocations and inflated word choices weaken precision.
Prefer accurate, natural phrases such as strongly disagree and employee benefits over conspicuously formal alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates meaning clearly despite recurring agreement, article, and clause-control errors.
Review complex sentences for subject-verb agreement, article use, and clearly controlled conditional and relative clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.