The bar chart below shows the results of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance.
Sample Response
The bar chartThe given graph presents information on tena variety of factors that affect work performancereasons that tend to impact job performance and it comparesit is divided by differentiating between two age groupscategories of 18–30 and 45–6018-30 years and 45-60 years. The data were collectedThe data sample is collected byfrom a personnel department at a majorbig company.
Firstly, the graph shows that 90% value personal development between the age ranges of 18-30; followed by comfortable work environment and promotional prospects at an 80%. By contrastSecondly, workers aged 45–60 arethe age range of 45- 60 are motivated by moneymonetary aspects as about 70% of this group70% of the mentioned age group selected this factor as affecting their performanceseem to perform better in this category. Thereafter, the particular age group values team spirit as 60% of the age range is provided in the graph chose this category after money. However, though each group varied on their factors affecting their work performance, both age groups were highly motivated and at par by team spirit (60%) and Money (70%- 74%).
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response identifies several prominent figures and makes some useful cross-age comparisons, but coverage is narrow and the organisation is weakened by mechanical linking and unclear reference chains. Several major factors are omitted, while awkward sentence structures obscure points about team spirit and money. The highest priority is to give a clear overall pattern and systematically group factors where younger workers lead versus those that are similar across ages.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Several important figures are reported accurately, but the response omits many categories and offers only a limited overview of the main age-group patterns.
Summarise the dominant contrast across the chart and cover representative factors from both the large differences and the broadly similar results.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report has a basic progression, but mechanical sequencing words and unclear references make the final comparisons difficult to follow.
Organise details into groups of similar patterns and use direct comparative sentences instead of Firstly, Secondly, and Thereafter.
Lexical Resource
The response shows some range in words for motivation and workplace factors, although several collocations such as at par by and at an 80% are unnatural.
Use conventional chart language such as stood at, was similar for both groups, and was valued by a higher proportion.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex forms are attempted, but agreement, article, and clause-structure errors recur and sometimes disrupt clarity.
Prioritise complete comparative clauses with clear subjects and verbs, particularly when describing the percentages for the older group.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar chart below shows the results of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.