The bar chart below shows the results of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance.
Sample Response
The supplied bar graph compares different factors which affect the work performance of two different age groupsgroup.
As shown in the bar chartAs is presented as a result of a survey in the given bar chart, for both age groups, 18-30 and 45-60, team spirit affects work performance equivalently at just over 60%and that is little over 60%. The factor 'chance for personal development'The reason ' chance for personal development' affects about 90% of the younger age groupworks for the younger age group about 90% which is more than twicemore than twice than the older age group. A similar patternThe similar scenario is true for the relaxing environment too and this reason affects more than 80% of the 18-30 age group workers and about only 30% of the workers aged 45-6045-60 years workers. About 40% of younger workers are affected by job security45% younger workers' work performance is affected by the job security compared to little over 20% older workers. The only case where 45-60 years workers are influenced more than their younger counterpartscounterpart is 'respect from colleagues', at about 45%'respect from colleagues' which is about 50% for this age group workers in contrast to 40% (approximately ) for the 18-30 age group15-30 years age group. The promotional prospect is an important reason that drives younger employees to work better and this reason affects 80% younger workers compared to about 50% of older workersalmost 45% aged job holders. For the lower age group job satisfaction, work environment & money affect job performance by about 50%, 30%, and 70%, respectivelyaffects their job performance about 50%, 30% & about 75% consecutively compared to about 45%, 30% and 70% of 45-60 years job holders.
In short, workers' job performance is highly affected by chance for personal development, team spirit, promotion prospects, job satisfaction and salary.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response makes frequent direct comparisons between the two age groups and reports most values with reasonable accuracy. Its main limitation is an imprecise overview, which does not clearly highlight the striking age-related contrasts and overlooks the competent-boss category, while recurring grammatical and collocational problems reduce polish. Prioritise a comparative overview and group similar trends rather than describing categories in a single sequence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Most categories are covered through relevant comparisons and generally accurate approximate figures, but one category is omitted and the overview does not clearly summarise the main contrasts.
State that younger workers were much more influenced by development, relaxation, promotion, and job security, while most remaining factors were similar across the groups.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses intelligibly from an introduction through the categories to a conclusion, although the long central paragraph reads as a list rather than a grouped comparison.
Organise the details into separate paragraphs for large age-group differences and broadly similar results.
Lexical Resource
There is enough topic vocabulary to describe comparisons, but awkward choices such as saying a reason works and using consecutively instead of respectively reduce precision.
Use natural statistical collocations such as was cited by, influenced performance, and respectively, while avoiding forced substitutes for workers.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the comparisons clearly, but agreement, article, plural, and comparative-form errors recur throughout.
Check noun phrases and comparison structures carefully, especially two age groups, younger workers, and more than twice as high as.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar chart below shows the results of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.