Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
Fame and fortune are largely dependent on the hard workhard-work, persistence, luck and creativity displayed by individuals of a society. These qualities often make them sovery famous and popular that the whole nation becomes anxious and curious just to get a glimpse of themget their glimpse or an autograph. SomeFew people believe that people are popular due to their glamour and rich lifestyle. They claim that youngsters should not follow in their footstepsfollow their footprint because they may lead them astray and I don’t agree fully with this proclamation. This essay will analyse the whether celebrity fame sets a bad examplemerits and demerits of idealising celebrities before presenting a conclusion. Famous people such as movie or sports stars can be a role model for the young people of a society. Viewing them as role modelsIdealising and treating them as their idol can help them to achieve their required goal in life. Following in their footstepsFollowing their footprints can result in exploring their own talent which can further showcase marvels and brilliance. Their creativity, innovation and display of their skills and abilities inspire adolescents to bring change to their livesbring change in their life for good. For instance, the legendary Amir KhanFor instance, legendary Amir Khan, the famous Bollywood celebrity, is known for his inspirational and creative movies but not for his wealth or attractive personality. Adolescents copying his qualities and attributes have promoted strong moral and ethical values in a society. On the contrary, few people believe that following superstars and famous people displaying negativity can mislead young people of our society. Proponents of this viewpoint believe that being inspired by their negative rolesinspiring from their negative roles and imitating the same behaviourdisplaying the same act at home or in streets can have a severe impact on the society. Moreover, celebrities are often found in smoking advertisements, charged with drugs and other criminal activities, young people who follow their pathyouth following their path can result in the destruction of ethical values of a society. For instance, Sanjay Dutt, Bollywood actorActor is well known for his money and roles as a villain, his terrorist acts in different movies have given rise to violence and crime in streets of Mumbai, all these were committed by adolescents for thrill and adventure. To recapitulate, the aforementioned provides plausible arguments in favour of both views. There is no doubt that famous people have their influence, as youth is not mature and in the growing phase of their life. However, one should not criticise the celebrities as it depends on the young people how they perceive and take it forward.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response offers a recognizable discussion of positive and negative celebrity influence, supported by a fairly broad range of topic vocabulary. Its main limitation is that the argument often drifts from the exact question, while one-paragraph organisation, overloaded sentences, and awkward phrasing reduce clarity. Keep every example focused on achievements versus glamour and wealth, then separate the discussion into clear paragraphs with shorter sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay discusses both positive and negative celebrity influence and gives a partial disagreement with the statement. However, it does not consistently focus on whether celebrities are famous more for glamour and wealth than achievements, and some examples about film roles and crime are not fully relevant.
Keep each paragraph tied to the exact claim: fame for achievement versus fame for wealth and glamour, and whether this sets a bad example.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a recognizable argument, but the response is written as one long paragraph and contains overloaded sentences. Progression from partial disagreement to both sides is understandable, yet paragraphing and referencing are weak.
Use four paragraphs: introduction with position, positive celebrity examples, negative celebrity influence, and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary range is fairly broad, with terms such as fame, fortune, creativity, role model, ethical values, and adolescents. Accuracy is uneven, with awkward or incorrect phrases such as get their glimpse, follow their footprint, inspiring from, and displaying the same act.
Use natural collocations: get a glimpse of them, follow in their footsteps, be inspired by, and imitate their behaviour.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses a range of complex structures, but errors with articles, plural forms, relative clauses, punctuation, and sentence boundaries are frequent. Some long sentences join too many ideas and become unclear.
Separate long sentences and check plural forms after few, people, celebrities, and adolescents.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.