Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Although the young workforce usually has anthe enthusiastic spirit and is always keen to makealways keen for making changes, I disagree, but I disagree with giving higher positions togiving the higher positions for the younger staffstuff. It is widely understoodIt is kind of common sense that the more you work the more you learn and the more your experience accumulates and letting go of older people at the relatively early age of 55at an early age like 55 is such a waste of a valuable asseta waste of valuable asset namely, experiencewhich is: experience. I strongly support the idea of giving young workersthe young workers second-in-command posts or apprenticeshipapprenticing positions where they can watch and learn from experienced staff and they might also be given an advisory role so we can mingle the expertise with enthusiasm. FurthermoreOn the contrary, I strongly believe that companies should offer experienced staff incentivesgive the experienced stuff stimulation to stay in order to harness their experience. On the one handOn one hand, some may argue that retiring at the age of 55 will give younger employees opportunitiesgive the chance to the younger employees, but on the other hand, this will have many disadvantages: since leaving the work when being able to is a waste of capabilities, not to mention all the moneymoneys that will be paid for social security in return for no work aside from leaving the job at 55 when taking into consideration the life expectancy in most of the developed countries which averages 75 yearsis in average 75 years is considerably low. For the young people assuming high positions is regarded as a high risk, since they usually lack the experience and the know-how to handle the pressure these positions usually have. In conclusion, companies should tap both the experience of older staffthe old stuff and the enthusiastic young employeeskeen-spirited young by having them work side by sidethrough working side by side.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a clear disagreement and offers several relevant reasons for retaining experienced employees, including mentoring and institutional knowledge. Its main limitation is that the argument is presented as a single, frequently faulty chain of sentences, which weakens clarity and development. The priority is to organise two distinct supporting ideas into separate paragraphs and express each through shorter, accurately controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and supported with several relevant ideas, though some points are asserted or crowded together rather than fully explained.
Develop two main reasons in separate paragraphs, supporting each with a precise explanation or realistic example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has a discernible sequence, but the lack of effective paragraphing and an exceptionally long sentence seriously weaken progression and readability.
Use a clear introduction, focused body paragraphs, and shorter linking sentences instead of connecting many claims in one chain.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, but frequent word-choice and collocation errors such as confusing staff with stuff reduce precision.
Prioritise accurate formal collocations for employees, retirement, incentives, and experience, and check repeated key words carefully.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of structures is attempted, but frequent agreement, article, preposition, and sentence-boundary errors undermine control and sometimes strain comprehension.
Break long constructions into complete sentences and check each clause for a subject, finite verb, and correct agreement.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.