Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
It is true that technological devices such as surveillance cameras or mobile phonessurveillance video or mobile phone are used to monitorare utilised for monitoring public activities these days. In many casesIn the most common case, many people do not realise that they are being monitored. Although the existence of these devices has some drawbacks, I do believe that these devices offer more benefits to our communitiesit has more benefits for our communities and the following essay will discuss this in detaildiscuss it in details.
On the one hand, it is reported that the useit is reported the usage of technological tools has increased, such as video cameras that are placed everywhere by authorities and the tracking of individuals' cellular phonesphone using satellite technology. These acts are a concern for some peopleunfavourable for some people since authorities do not inform the public about these activitiesinform their residents about the activities. Some people believe that this is a violation of human rights and freedomsagainst human rights and freedom, because people have a right to privacywhere people should have their own privacy. MoreoverBesides that, this monitoring data could be misused by members of the authoritiesthe member of the authorities, as the data could be sold to another party for business or political purposes.
On the other hand, the existence of CCTV in public places and satellite tracking of mobile phones would bring many advantages for humankindadvantages for the humankind if they are used appropriately. These video-monitoring systems would helpWith the existence of these video monitoring activities, it would help the police department in preventing and investigating criminal activityany crime activities. FurthermoreAnd then, with the sophisticated satellite tracking technology, it could help authorities in tracking criminalstracing crime persons, as they could locate criminalssearch the existence of criminals through the signal of mobile phones. It has been proven that with the usage of these sophisticated technologies, it has reduced the number of crimes in many countries.
In conclusion, it is common that governments use advanced technology devices such as video camera and handphone tracking system to monitor their residents' activities. And in common cases, these monitoring activities are not informed and socialised to the public, therefore some people believe that they are against people's right to privacyhuman's privacy policy. In my personal opinion, I do believe that these activities have more advantages than disadvantagesmore positive sides than its negatives if authorities use themit properly.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s strongest feature is its clear position and relevant coverage of privacy risks, data misuse, crime prevention, and criminal investigation. Its main limitation is that it lists benefits and drawbacks without convincingly showing why the benefits outweigh the privacy costs, while frequent language errors reduce precision. The highest priority is to make an explicit comparison between public-safety gains and safeguards against misuse, expressed through simpler, grammatically controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response discusses relevant advantages and disadvantages and maintains a clear positive judgement, but the decisive weighing of those considerations remains limited.
Explain why crime prevention justifies covert monitoring only when specific oversight, consent, or data-protection safeguards are in place.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay uses a clear opposing-sides structure and overall progression, although linking is mechanical and several points repeat in the conclusion.
Use the conclusion to compare the two sides directly rather than restating the existence of monitoring and privacy concerns.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for surveillance, privacy, crime, and data misuse, but frequent inaccurate collocations make the discussion sound unnatural.
Use standard terms such as ‘video surveillance’, ‘privacy rights’, ‘officials’, ‘track suspects’, and ‘locate criminals’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of structures is attempted, but recurring problems with articles, agreement, pronoun reference, clauses, and countable nouns weaken accuracy.
Remove dummy pronouns from constructions such as ‘CCTV helps police’ and check singular–plural agreement throughout each sentence.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.