The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Over the last twenty years, women's empowerment and employmentthe women empowerment and employment have gone through rapid changes and more women are working in different spheresthe different sphere of society than ever. This is, in fact, advantageous for the overall growth of a countrygrowth a country and at the same time this is one of the main reasons whythe juvenile delinquency has increased nowadays. First of all, a child needs the caretenderness and guidance of parents and if both parents are working they have very little time to spend with the children. The trend of both parents working isThe trends of both working parents are leading to depressionleading depression, a lack of morality and the loss of family tieslack of morality and lose family tie which has severe psychological harm to teenagerssevere psychological damage among the teenagers. This is directly leading to issues like crime, drug abuse, and other immoral activitiescrime, drug and immoral activities conducted by adolescentsby the adolescents. Again, this is a long-standing traditiona long time trend that a father would bring the daily bread for the family while the mother wouldwhile mother would foster and take care of the children in most societiesin most of the society and with the women empowerment, this harmony has changedhas been changed. There is no harm in women'swomen employment and in fact this is positive from many perspectives and yet we can see an immense competition among married couplesthe married couple especially regarding their careerscareer while they totally overlook their children's needsoverlook their needs for their children. Fatherhood is important and he has many roles to play for the children but a mother, as we have seen throughout historythroughout the century, makes the largest contribution to raising childrenmajor share of contribution towards upbringing the children. When a mother has very little time to share with her kids, the problem related to juvenile crime increases. The teenage yearstime is a very sensitive time in everyone’s life and if parents can’t contribute their duties at that time, the children have a chance to go astray. With working mothers, this is happening more than ever.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear position and develops a coherent causal argument about limited parental time and adolescent behaviour. Its main limitation is that the reasoning becomes repetitive and relies on broad assertions rather than sufficiently examining or supporting the claimed link, while the absence of paragraphing reduces clarity. Prioritize a more measured, evidence-based argument organized into distinct introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question with a consistent view and relevant explanation, but its central claim is repeated more than it is critically developed or substantiated.
Support the claimed causal connection with a specific example and acknowledge other influences on juvenile delinquency before reaffirming the position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas move in a generally logical sequence through parental time, family roles, and adolescent outcomes, but repetition and a single unbroken paragraph weaken organization.
Use distinct paragraphs for the position, supporting reasons, qualification, and conclusion, giving each paragraph one clear function.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate range for discussing employment, parenting, psychology, and delinquency, although inaccurate formations and awkward collocations occur regularly.
Use more precise natural combinations such as women's employment, lead to depression, loss of family ties, and fulfil parental duties.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex sentences, but frequent errors with articles, agreement, prepositions, noun forms, and clause control reduce accuracy.
Shorten overloaded sentences and check each clause for a complete structure, correct subject-verb agreement, and appropriate articles and prepositions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.