The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Until the last centuryFrom the past until the last century, the vast majority of women stayed at home to look after their children and only a very small percentage of them had to work or work outside the homedo any outdoor activity in many countries. However, this custom hashad changed in the last 20 years and many women now go to work, run their shops or businesses, or even workrun their shops or businesses or even work as managers in some multinational companies. Of course, this significant change has had positive and negative effectsgood and bad impacts on everyday life. From my point of view, the disadvantages of this trend outweighsurpass the advantages it offers. Actually, this issue has to be examined carefullydiscussed delicately. When the mother leaves her house, she has two choices: the first is to leave her house and children without care, and that of course is unacceptable. The other choice, which is no better than the firstand it's not better than the first one, is to get someone to looklooks after her children and do the housework. There are some reasons that may lead women to work, but the main reason is thatthe main reason is that: most married women who are employed or have their own business needbusiness, need money to live a decent standard of livingan acceptable life. In my opinion, this is the husband's responsibilitythe husbands' responsibility and they shouldn't make their wives responsible for this taskinvolve their wives in the task because this eventually leads to tragic consequences. Their children don’t get enough care and time with parents and that lead in the long term disorder in the society. From the psychological point of view, if the children don’t get enough care during childhoodduring the childhood, they may not be able to interact properly with people around them. Some people claim that "preventing women from workingwork and not letting them earnearning money is a type of injustice "; but I don't think so. When a mother prevents her child from receiving her care and affectiongetting her care and affections, this is anthe injustice.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response states a clear view and sustains it with a recognizable argument about parental care, using a reasonable range of vocabulary and sentence structures. Its main limitation is weak development and organization: the entire essay forms one paragraph, several claims are asserted rather than supported, and the position is not rounded off in a conclusion. Prioritize a clear paragraph structure with balanced, specific causal explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and relevant reasons are presented, but the argument is narrow, largely unsupported, and not completed with a conclusion.
Develop the claimed link between working mothers and youth problems with specific causal support while directly evaluating possible counterarguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has a recognizable progression, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph obscures the structure and weakens transitions between stages.
Separate the introduction, each main reason, any counterargument, and the conclusion into focused paragraphs with clear topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
The response shows an adequate range of less common vocabulary, though several word-form and collocation errors reduce precision and naturalness.
Check noun and verb combinations carefully, especially expressions concerning childcare, employment, social disorder, and emotional affection.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex sentence forms communicate the main ideas, but recurring agreement, verb-pattern, article, and punctuation errors limit accuracy.
Edit for subject–verb agreement and verb patterns, such as someone who looks after children and letting women earn money.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
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