A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
There have been lots of debates about animal rights in different societies over the last decadeover last decade and sometimes we watch or hear in the mediafrom media that a group of people are protesting around the worldin each corner of the world to protect animal rights. However, this group believes that animals should not be endangered by humans, while some others arguepoint that human needs are more important and people should be allowed to use animals for their different purposes. Therefore, this essay has tried to cover both of the mentioned viewsboth of mentioned views and would suggest a good way to solve the issue.
According to most of the historicalhistory documents, humans have usedthe human has employed animals to have a better life from the time that civilisation has come intoto existence. In fact, the skin of animals has been considered as the first material for the clothing industryfor clothing industry and human has used the meat of them as a delicious food. These days, people spend money for these purposes and in addition scientists conduct most of their biology experiments on animals to find cures for illnesses.
Some people worry about the mentioned trend as many animal speciesmany animals’ species have been extinct because of exploiting them by the human. Actually, they believe that the God has created animals to live and human shouldn’t kill them or destroy their habitatsdestroys their life places for his needs. So, if no step is taken for this situation, our planet has no place for animals and we just can see animals in zoos which will be another way of employing animals by the human.
By contrast, some others arguesome other argues that the God has created animals for a better human lifefor human better life and it is inevitable that people use animals for their targets. In other words, it is such a life law that always the stronger kill the weaker for continuing the life and in the forest, wild animals kill other for food as human do it for his purposes. Therefore, human should exploit animals for food, clothes and to develop the science and no other way can be taken.
I think, therefore, this issueoccasion is such a sophisticated issue and both of views are concerning one aspect of human and animal rights. But perhaps, the realistic solution is balancing human behaviour about animals. Put another way, human should try to replace other ways instead of exploiting animals, however; it is not possible to eliminate the role of employing animals in human life.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response addresses both sides of the debate and reaches a balanced view that recognises human needs while calling for limits on animal exploitation. Its main weakness is repetition between the arguments supporting animal use, compounded by frequent grammatical inaccuracies and unnatural phrasing. State the personal position earlier, give each body paragraph a distinct purpose, and develop the ethical comparison with more precise language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay covers both views and offers a balanced opinion, but some discussion is repetitive and the opinion could be stated more directly.
State your own view earlier and use the body paragraphs to compare necessity with ethical limits.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is clear, but the second and fourth paragraphs overlap, and some transitions are mechanical.
Avoid repeating the same pro-use argument and make each paragraph serve a distinct purpose.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is relevant and sometimes ambitious, but there are several unnatural phrases and inaccurate collocations.
Use precise terms such as "animal welfare", "medical research", "food production", and "ethical limits".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors with articles, subject-verb agreement, and noun forms reduce accuracy, though the message remains understandable.
Check singular/plural nouns and article use in every sentence.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.