We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?
Sample Response
Today, the computer has become an indispensable tool in our day-to-day activities. In fact, we find it very difficult to get through a working day without it. In this essay, we will discuss the useusage of computers in the foreseeable future. Also, we will analyse how this dependencedependency will have negative impacts on societyon the society.
To begin with, computers can be used to performused in performing daily chores at homeat the house. For instance, cleaning the homecleaning of the home can be done with minimal effort and in less timewith the minimum effort and time with the advent of robot maids. In addition, teachers can use computers for teaching their students while remaining in their own locationsby staying at their own place. In other words, tutors can arrange multiple classes in different cities at the same time withby the help of this tool. Thus, it is obvious that the computer can be used in household work as well as for teaching purposespurpose in the futurein the coming future.
However, excessive useinordinate usage of this tool has many disadvantages. First of all, human beings will be replaced by these machines, leadingreplaced by this machine leading to an increase in unemploymentthe increase in the unemployment which is intrinsically tied to the crime ratethe rate of the crime within the nation. Furthermore, the absenceabsence of physical presence of teachers in the classroom can cause discipline problemsraise the problems of discipline amongwithin the students. In other words, these pupils' social developmentsocial development of these pupils will be harmed and thereby causeand thereby, will cause a hindrance in the nation's social growth.
From the discussion aboveFrom above, it can be seen that computers will be used for various activities at home as well as at educational institutions in the future. But, excessive utilisation of this machine can boost the issues related to job causing rise in the crime and afflict the young people's development. It is thus hoped that people will be made aware of the harmfulness of relying too much on computers.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response’s strongest feature is its clear organisation and direct coverage of both future uses and the risks of dependence. However, the ideas are only moderately extended, and frequent awkward collocations and article or preposition errors reduce precision; the highest priority is to develop each prediction more specifically while using simpler, more natural phrasing and checking grammatical accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers both questions with a clear critical position and relevant ideas about domestic automation and remote teaching, though some consequences remain only moderately developed.
Extend each future use with a more specific explanation of how it would work and why its effects matter.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and logical movement from future uses to disadvantages make the argument easy to follow.
Use referencing and transitions more naturally so links do not depend so heavily on formulaic phrases such as ‘In other words’ and ‘Thus’.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of topic vocabulary, but awkward combinations such as ‘by the help of’ and ‘boost the issues’ weaken precision.
Choose more natural collocations and avoid forcing formal words where a simpler, exact expression would be clearer.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures, but recurring errors with articles, prepositions, agreement, and clause construction reduce control.
Proofread each sentence for article and preposition use, then simplify complex clauses whose subjects or relationships are unclear.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.