Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
I believe that child-rearing should be the responsibility of both parents and that, whilewhilst theirthe roles within that partnership may be different, they are nevertheless equal in importance. In some societies, it has been made easier over the years for single parents to raise children on their own. However, this does not mean that the traditional family, with both parents providing emotional support and role-models for their children, is not the most satisfactory way of bringing up children. Of crucial importance, in my opinion, is how we define 'responsible for bringing the children up'. In its simplest senseAt its simplest, it could mean giving the financial support necessary to provide a home, food and clothes and making sure the child is safe and receives an adequate education. This would be the basic definition. There is, however, another possible way of interpreting that part of the statementdefining that part of the quotation. That interpretation would meanThat would say it is not just a father's responsibility to provide the basics for his children, while his wife takes responsibility forinvolves herself in the everyday activity of bringing them up. Rather, he should share those daily duties, spend as much time as his job allows with his children, play with them, read to them, help directly with their education, participate fullyparticipate very fully in their lives and encourage them to share in his lifeencourage them to share his. It is this second, fuller, concept of 'fatherhood' that I am in favour of, although I also realise how difficult it can sometimes be to achievehow difficult it is to achieve sometimes. The economic and employment situation in many countries means that jobs are getting more, not less, stressful, requiring long hours and perhaps long journeys to work as well. Therefore it may remain for many a desirable ideal rather than an achievable reality.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, nuanced position and develops a persuasive distinction between basic financial provision and active fatherhood with consistently precise language. Its main limitation is that the entire argument appears as one continuous paragraph, which weakens the visible organisation of otherwise well-sequenced ideas; the highest-priority improvement is to divide the discussion into purposeful paragraphs built around the definition, parental roles, and practical constraints.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained throughout and developed through a thoughtful definition of shared parental responsibility and a relevant practical qualification.
Add a specific example of how shared daily parenting benefits children to make the support even more concrete and fully extended.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through definitions, contrasts, and a qualified conclusion, but the absence of paragraph breaks reduces structural clarity.
Organise the response into distinct paragraphs so each stage of the argument has a clearly signalled central purpose.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible, precise, and natural, with effective choices such as 'emotional support', 'daily duties', and 'achievable reality'.
Refine the few slightly awkward expressions, particularly 'encourage them to share his', to maintain complete idiomatic precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence forms is used accurately, with strong control of subordination, punctuation, and agreement.
Preserve this level of control while shortening a few heavily coordinated sentences for greater ease of reading.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.