Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
For nine to ten months, a woman endures the drastic physiological and emotional changes that pregnancy brings about. Because of this, a woman has the greatest right to decide whetherdecide on whether she will have a child or not. An ideology exists that because women take full responsibility for decisions about childbearing, she also is responsible for rearing the child. I believe that this idea is fundamentally flawedabsolutely faulty. To begin withFirstly, decisions on childbearing may be greatly affected by the woman's choice. However, other factors must also be consideredother factors are also considered such as a couple's financial ability to support a child's growth. More importantlyAside from that, parenthood is a shared responsibility. A father's role is not limited to biological contributionsperm donation but also includes changing diapers in the middle of the night. Also, a father should be actively involvedalways be involved in child rearing because there are activities that are better suited to being undertakenbest suited to be done by a father figure, such as bringing the child to a sports event. Consequently, a child who rarely sees one's father creates a negative perception of him and may possibly create a stronger relationship with the mother alone. In addition, women are different in the modern era. More women are breaking the traditional view that they are confined to the four wallswall of the home as housewivesof the home as a housewife. Therefore, there should be a agreement between both parentsjoint agreement between both parents to share childcare tasksdivide the tasks. For exampleTo cite an example, a mother would send the child to school while a father wouldwill be in charge of picking up the child after class. In conclusion, I firmly believe that it is time to abolish the idea of putting the entire burden of child-rearingentire child rearing work on women. The idea of shared parenthood must be embracedimplemented to keep up with the change in family dynamics that have occurred over timeoccurred over the years.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay’s strongest feature is its clear, consistent support for shared parenthood, illustrated through several relevant domestic and economic considerations. Its main limitation is presentation: the whole argument is compressed into one paragraph, while some examples are asserted or stereotyped rather than fully explained. The highest priority is to organise the reasons into distinct paragraphs and develop each one through a precise cause-and-effect explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear position throughout and supports shared responsibility with relevant reasons, though some points are generalised or insufficiently examined.
Explain more precisely how equal involvement benefits both parents and children instead of relying on gendered examples such as attending sports events.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument moves logically from reproductive decisions to childcare roles and changing family dynamics, but the absence of paragraphing weakens its organisation.
Use separate body paragraphs for joint decision-making, fathers’ caregiving roles, and the practical division of responsibilities.
Lexical Resource
The essay uses a reasonably broad range of topic-specific vocabulary, including “childbearing”, “rearing”, and “family dynamics”, despite several awkward collocations.
Replace unnatural phrases such as “the four wall of the home” and “entire child rearing work” with precise, idiomatic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex sentences conveys the argument clearly, although agreement, pronoun reference, plurality, and clause construction errors recur.
Check agreement and reference carefully, especially where singular nouns such as “a woman” or “a child” are followed by pronouns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.