Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
We live in a modern societyera where equality is being promoted everywhere, including workplaceseverywhere including in workplaces, society and even families. This is why child-rearing should be a responsibility that is shared by both parents.
To begin with, traditional roles of males and females are changing, and in some cases, have beengone completely reversed. This is why the traditionalpredefined responsibilities of mothers and fathers are a thing of the past. Traditionally, a mother takes charge of day-to-day work of raising childreneveryday activities of bringing up children, whereas a father is responsible for providing basic necessities for the children and the familyproviding the basics for the children as well as the family. With a shifting trend when engineering universities have more female graduates and males have paternity leavepaternal leaves, this is no longer applicable. Rather, a fatherRather a father should share those daily childcare tasksdaily activities, spend as much time as possible with the family, play with the children, read to them, take them out or even changeclean their diapers, whereas womencapable females should share the financial responsibilities.
Moreover, a child needs both parents' care, love and attention to develop properlyto properly grow up. Research proves that attention from both parents often instils positive qualities and greater emotional balance in childrenbetter qualities and emotional balance in them than children receive when they grow up without both parents' attentionthan in children who grow up without the attention of both. The concept of "fatherhood" is difficult to fulfilnot easy to achieve especially in countries where economic and employment situations are stressful. However, a little effort from both parents can ensure that responsibility is sharedensure a shared responsibility and better family bonds in which children get the proper care.
In conclusion, parents in modern times should be ready to share their responsibilities for the greater benefit of the child and their family. This is why fatherhood should be as important asas much important as motherhood.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear position and supports shared parenting with relevant discussion of changing roles and children's needs. Its main limitation is uneven precision: several claims remain general, and awkward collocations sometimes weaken an otherwise fluent argument. The highest-priority improvement is to develop one key reason with a specific, credible example while revising unnatural phrases for more exact expression.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear agreement is sustained, and two relevant reasons are explained, though support is sometimes broad or asserted rather than demonstrated.
Develop the strongest reason with a concrete example that shows precisely how shared parenting benefits children or families.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion.
Vary transitions and reduce repeated framing such as ‘This is why’ so relationships between ideas feel less formulaic.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic, but several collocations and word choices are imprecise or unnatural.
Replace phrases such as ‘paternal leaves’ and ‘fatherhood is not easy to achieve’ with natural, context-appropriate wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is used with generally clear meaning, although errors in comparison, articles, and clause construction recur.
Proofread complex sentences for complete comparisons, accurate articles, and clear reference, especially in longer explanatory clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.