Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Same questionCompare 11 different answers (Band 5–8.5)

Sample Response

1

While some believe that modernisationthe modernisation has made us more reliant on each other, others, however, think that we are more self-reliant and free from dependency on others as time has progressedas the time has progressed. I believe that we have become more independent than at any time in historythan any time in the history. People who advocate that we have become more dependent on each other in this modern era often present the idea that our needs have increasedour necessity has increased and we need to interact with far more people due to this. This in a way requires us to rely on others to meet our needsfor our need. For instance, office executives mostly rely on laundry services, restaurants, house maids, cleaning services and so on to have their necessary tasksworks done. In the past, people used to do most of these tasks on their own. Moreover, the prices of education, housing, and daily commodities areprices of education, house, daily commodities etc. is skyrocketing day by day and we need to rely on our parents to have those needs fulfilled until we get a job. When we become earning membersWhen we will become earning members, our parents and children will rely on us. Due to people’s busy schedule and high ambition, they need to socialise and get to know people from different walks of life and this creates a wider circle in which people’s interaction and reliance on each other increasesincrease. However, I would agree with the people who opine that modernization has made us free and less reliant on others. In most countries, young children are trying to support their education and living cost. After a certain age, they prefer to stay in their own homesstay own his own house. The number of nuclear and single-parent families provesingle parent family proves that people are less reliant on others. We are free to pick the school, travel to other countries and make our choices for most of the major events in our life including picking our life partners. The progress of the technology has made us more self-reliant and we love to take advantageadvantages of the modern tools and devices to do things on our ownmake things of our own. For instance, many people these days choose an online lesson rather than enrollingpick an online lesson than getting admitted to a training institute. Many of us even have the freedom to work from home and this is a paradigm shift in the way we earn our living. Finally, gender equality and women’s empowerment movements have made women much more independentthe gender equality and women empowerment movements have greatly made the women free from reliance on othersothers reliance and self-dependent and this has all been possible only recently. In conclusion, though some people think that modern era is the time when we are more reliant on each other, I personally believe that we are more free and self-reliant instead.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 6.5

The response addresses both perspectives and maintains a clear position, supporting its argument with relevant examples drawn from work, family life, and technology. Its impact is reduced by the single-block presentation, overloaded sentences, and recurring inaccurate grammar and collocations; organise the discussion into distinct paragraphs with concise topic sentences that compare dependence and independence directly, then proofread agreement, pronouns, and verb forms.

Band score breakdown

IELTS Writing Criteria Scores

TR

Task Response

7.0
Scoring rule

The essay discusses both views and gives a clear opinion that people are more independent. Examples are relevant, though some claims are broad and the dependency side could be more tightly compared with the independence side.

Next step

Make each body paragraph directly compare dependency and independence in the modern world before restating your final view.

CC

Coherence and Cohesion

6.5
Scoring rule

There is a clear overall progression from one view to the other and then a conclusion. However, the essay is submitted as one long block and some sentences are overloaded.

Next step

Use paragraph breaks and shorter topic sentences to separate the two views and your own judgement.

LR

Lexical Resource

6.5
Scoring rule

The response has a good range of vocabulary about dependency, modernisation, technology, and family structure. Some collocations and word choices are inaccurate.

Next step

Use precise phrases such as daily needs, household chores, living costs, nuclear families, and technological progress.

GRA

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0
Scoring rule

Complex structures are frequent and usually understandable, but agreement, article, pronoun, and verb-form errors occur throughout.

Next step

Check plural subjects, possessive pronouns, and verb forms in every complex sentence.

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IELTS Writing Task 2

Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Your response

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40:00

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