Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
As a result of constant media attention, sports professionals in my country have become celebrities, and those at the top are paid huge salaries. Just like movie stars, they live extravagant lifestyles with huge houses and cars. Many people find their rewards unfair, especially when comparing their salaries with those of top surgeons or research scientists or even leading politicians who have the responsibility of governing the country. However, sports professionals' salaries are not determined by considering the contribution to society a person makes, or the level of responsibility he or she holds. Instead, they reflect the public popularity of the sport in general and the level of public support that successful stars can generate. So the notion of ‘fairness’ is not the issue here. Those who feel that sports stars’ salaries are justified might argue that the numbernumbers of professionals with real talent are very few, and the money is a recognitionthe money is recognition of the skills and dedication a person needs to be successful. Competition is constant and a player is tested every time they perform during their relatively short careersin their relatively short career. The pressure from the media is intense and there is little privacy out of the spotlight. There is a huge number of sportspeoplesports persons compared to those who have become successful and having a huge salary. It takes a great deal of practice, skill and timelots of practice, skills and time to become a sports icon. Moreover, sports personalitiesAgain Sports personality like Sachin Tendulkar, Tiger Woods, Shane Warne inspires the new generation to become interested in the gamesto be attracted to the games they play. So all of these factors may justify the huge earnings of sports personalitiesearnings of the sports personality. The first reason why I think that such high salary is deserved by famous athletes and entertainers because we all need them. Entertainment plays an essential role in our everyday liveseveryday's life. We need to relax by watching TVrelax, watching TV with our favourite TV stars or favourite football players. Entertainment is one of the best ways to eliminate stress and tension and leave all troubles behind. For example, I can not stay home all day long without watching TV. So, basically, I believe that famous athletes and entertainers have such high salaries because we need them. They are like doctorsThey like doctors for our minds and soulssoles. Scientists say that people usually spend the same amount of money for their food and entertainment. I think this fact tells a lot. The second reason for this is that famous athletes have to work hard in order to get good results. I am sure that achievements they make are the result of hard work, persistence and pain. They sometimes risk their lives and health. For example, I am a big fan of L. Amstrong, the most famous cyclist in worldworld's history. He faced probably, the most challenging difficulty in his life, cancer. He was very young for this disease. Amstrong was in his early twenties when he found out about it. I read a book about his life, and what impressed me were his words after his victory in France. He said: "Cancer was the best thing that ever happened to me ". He defeated the disease only because he believed in himself and did not give up. I think such a personsuch person deserves to have a high salary and be loved by many people throughout the world. Personally, I think that the amount of money such sports stars make is more justified than the huge earnings of movie stars, but at the same time, it indicates that our society places more value on the sport than on the essential professions and achievements.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response addresses both perspectives and ends with a nuanced personal view, while its examples show why elite sport can command high rewards. Its main limitation is severe overextension: the single-block essay repeats the justification case, shifts into a second line of argument about entertainers, and gives the unfairness view comparatively little development. Rebuild it as four focused paragraphs and give each side one distinct, fully explained reason.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and a personal opinion are present, but the unfairness case is underdeveloped while overlapping arguments for high salaries are repeated at excessive length.
Develop one reason for unfairness and one reason for justification equally, then state how those reasons lead to the final nuanced position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Individual ideas are often connected, but the 588-word single paragraph, repeated reasoning, and abrupt shift to entertainers prevent effective overall progression.
Use an introduction, one paragraph per view, and a concise opinion conclusion, removing the duplicated discussion of hard work and public need.
Lexical Resource
There is enough range to discuss responsibility, celebrity, dedication, pressure, and entertainment, but frequent inaccurate choices such as "sports personality" and "minds and soles" reduce precision.
Use consistent natural terms such as "sports professionals," "public demand," and "mental wellbeing" and proofread names and spelling.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex forms usually communicates the message, but frequent agreement, article, clause, and sentence-formation errors reduce control.
Repair incomplete patterns such as "The first reason ... is because" and check plural agreement in sentences about athletes and sports personalities.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.