Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Nowadays, many companies encourage old employees to retire to make roommake up room for the young ones. This positionThe above point is certainly true; this essay will contain some reasons that support this positionmy suggestion. First of all, the new generation has multiple advantages over the older generationadvantages that outweigh the old generation, because the world we live in currently is based on rapidly changing technologythe fast, frequently-generated technology. The new generation is better able to keep up withmore adapted to become updated with the new technological developmentsmodern releases of it. They master advanced technology and have more energy to apply at workgreater energy to exploit than senior employees due to many aspects including the physical strength of each party. Furthermore,Plus they are more capable of updating their ideasrejuvenating their concepts as they are gaining experience. Moreover, young employees would have the opportunity, just like the older workers once hadolder ones had theirs once in the past, to demonstrateshow off their skills to their boss. Eventually, by allowing younger employeesthe younger employee to become more involved in a beneficial way in their community, the spread of corruption would decrease gradually. As a result, society willthe society will witness a great deal of sustainable economic production in the country. Undeniably, old employees must have left an influential impact on today's trade. And their achievements that had been accomplished in the workforce force should be appreciated after they retire. Therefore, responsible organisations should arrangework on arranging educational centres and beneficial events for the retired senior citizens. They would usefulfil their free time usefully and efficiently, like pursuingpursuing in their personal hobbies. At last, our community is based on a mixture of various age groupsparties. For each period of time, each party obtains heir right to possess an effective role in the society. However, commercial and big companies prefer young employeesemployee because they infuse the work atmosphere with lots of young blood.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response presents an unmistakable position and offers several potentially relevant benefits of giving younger employees opportunities. However, the argument is unevenly developed, with unsupported leaps about corruption and productivity, tangential discussion of retirees, and no paragraph divisions. The highest priority is to organise two focused reasons into separate paragraphs and explain a credible cause-and-effect chain for each before refining the frequent awkward language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and relevant reasons are offered, but several claims are speculative, loosely connected to compulsory retirement at 55, or insufficiently supported.
Focus directly on senior high-level employees and explain two convincing reasons why retirement at 55 would create worthwhile opportunities for younger staff.
Coherence and Cohesion
Sequencing markers provide a basic line of progression, but the single-paragraph format and mechanical linking make the argument difficult to navigate.
Use an introduction, two distinct body paragraphs, and a conclusion, with each body paragraph developing one central reason rather than a chain of loosely related claims.
Lexical Resource
There is some range in discussing technology, employment, and society, but frequent inaccurate collocations and imprecise word choices limit clarity.
Replace awkward phrases with conventional academic combinations and use specific employment vocabulary instead of vague expressions such as age parties and young blood.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence structures, but recurrent errors in agreement, articles, tense, plurals, and complementation weaken accuracy.
Proofread systematically for singular-plural agreement and verb patterns, then combine ideas only when the grammatical relationship between clauses is secure.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.