Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Unemployment is one of the leading problems in many overpopulated countries. Owing to this, few companies offer voluntary retirement schemesservices to the staff members overabove the age of 55. I strongly agree with the given statement. Offering positions for the younger generationpositions for younger generation has major benefits. Firstly, young people workthe young people work faster, stronger than older employeesthan the elders, who are weaker and slower at work. Just as the companies which are based on labour work require stronger and healthy labourers. Secondly, they are competitive and creative work sectors which enable the projects to grow at a faster pace. Such as in IT companies most of the employees are under 55. Lastly, the recruitmentselection of new personnel can reduce unemploymentreduce the problem of unemployment to some extent. HoweverHowever, on the other hand, it is argued that the older generation should be allowedolder generation should be allowed to continue workingextend their services. They have experienceexperiences in particular fieldsparticular kinds of work, in which the new staff may lack knowledge and proper experiences. For instance, many businesses require experience in a particular fieldexperience in particular field to compete with rivalscompete with the opponents and they prefer experienced older workersexperienced and aged people. Next, it could be unreasonableinsensible to dismiss loyal and valuable employeesterminate the honest and worthy members. Therefore most of them would like to continue with the old workers. Finally, they serve as the best resource of knowledge and skills, which is essential for the community survival. Overall, it is clear that elderly contributes a lot to the companies. However, they cannot be extended to work for longer times. Therefore I believe that older generation needs to be replaced by the youth.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response states a clear preference for replacing older senior employees and offers relevant benefits involving productivity, innovation, and reduced youth unemployment, while also recognising the value of experience. Its main limitation is shallow and stereotyped development, reinforced by sentence fragments and frequent inaccurate wording; prioritise one credible workplace example, directly weigh lost expertise against opportunities for promotion, and use complete, controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is presented with relevant arguments on both sides, but most points are briefly asserted, overgeneralised, or insufficiently reconciled with the final judgement.
Explain why planned retirement at 55 creates more benefit than harm and address how companies could retain or transfer senior employees’ expertise.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has a recognisable progression from benefits to a counterview and conclusion, but it is one dense paragraph with mechanical sequencing and several fragmentary examples.
Use separate paragraphs for the case for retirement and the value of experience, then compare them explicitly before concluding.
Lexical Resource
Some relevant employment vocabulary is used, but frequent inaccurate combinations such as “retirement services,” “labour work,” “extend their services,” and “community survival” weaken precision.
Prefer conventional terms such as “retirement schemes,” “manual work,” “remain in their roles,” “institutional knowledge,” and “business continuity.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent agreement, article, plural, comparison, reference, and sentence-boundary errors reduce fluency and sometimes strain meaning.
Eliminate fragments beginning with “Just as” and “Such as,” and practise complete forms such as “young employees work faster” and “older employees contribute.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.