There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
Sample Response
TodayIn the modern world, there arewe can find numerous genres of music. The importance of music in our lives is often questioned. Alongside thisMoreover, there is a debate about whether traditional music is more significant thanmore significant compared to international music heard worldwideinternational music that has gained popularity worldwide. In this essay, I will examineshare my perspective on the importance of music and whether either type of music is more significantwhich type of music holds greater significance.
Music is an essential part of human life. It has the power to evoke emotions, connect people and cultures, and even bring positive changes to individuals. Music therapy is a widely used treatment fora popular way to treat psychological disorders, and it has proved effective in improvinghas proven to be effective in improving mental health. Music also plays a crucial role in shaping culturesculture and traditions. For instance, traditional music is an integral part of cultural ceremonies and festivals, and it helps preserve the unique identity of a particular community.
While traditional music holds cultural significance, international music has become popular worldwide and has a massive fan following. It has become a medium to bridge the gap between different cultures and countries. For example, K-pop, which originated in South Korea, has a massive fan following worldwide and has introduced Korean culture and language to many people. Similarly, Western music has had a significant impact on the music industry globally, and it has inspired many artists to create music that reflects their cultural identity.
In conclusion, music is an integral part of human life, and it has the power to connect people and cultures. While traditional music holds cultural significance, international music has become a medium to promote cultural diversity and global harmony. Therefore, both types of music are important in their unique ways, and it is essential to appreciate and promote both.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay answers both questions clearly, maintains a balanced position, and supports its discussion with relevant examples of therapy, cultural traditions, and internationally popular music. Its main limitation is that the comparison of relative importance remains somewhat broad, with the body paragraphs often describing benefits rather than directly weighing the two forms. The highest-priority improvement is to make the comparative judgement more explicit and develop the criteria used to assess importance.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are directly answered with a clear, consistent position and relevant, sufficiently developed supporting ideas.
Strengthen the comparison by explaining why cultural preservation and cross-cultural connection justify treating both forms as equally important.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised, with clear paragraph purposes and smooth progression from music's functions to the comparison.
Create a more explicit logical bridge between the cultural role of traditional music and the global role of international music.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is varied, appropriate, and generally precise, though several key words and phrases are repeated noticeably.
Vary repeated expressions such as 'massive fan following,' 'worldwide,' and 'cultural significance' while preserving precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with only minor imperfections that do not impede communication.
Refine comparative phrasing, for example replacing 'more significant compared to' with the more concise 'more significant than.'
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.