The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
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Sample Response
The graph illustratesprovides a visual representation of the number of male and female workers in the Republic of Freedonia in various employment sectors in the year 1975.year 1975
Overall, the public non-defence sector reported the highest number of males and females. This is in sharpin the sharp contrastcontrats with the public defence sector with the fewest workerswith least amount of workers.
The data showsStatistics showed that the public (non-defence) sector had the highest number of males, approximately 850,000 workers, which was followed by the wholesale and retail trade with roughly 680,000 male workers. The manufacturing sector consisted of nearly 670,000 males.Furthermore, the finance and banking sector reportedfinance and banking reported approximately 430,000 and communications recorded nearlythe communications nearly 360,000 male workers. The lowest number of males waswere in the public (defence) field with roughly 230,000 males.
Regarding female employmentAs for the females, the public (non-defence) sector reported the highest number, nearly 640,000 females. The wholesale and retail trade showed approximately 540,000 women.nearly 590,000 females. This was followed by manufacturingfollowed by the manufacturing with around 300,000nearly 350,000 and the communications with 250,000 female workers. The lowest number of femalesleast amount of females were in the sector of finance, approximately 130,000,nearly 250,000, and the public (defence) with no more than 50,000 female workers.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The report effectively presents data from the provided graph and maintains a clear, logical structure throughout. However, it entirely omits coverage of the year 1995 mentioned in the task prompt, and contains a few minor data inaccuracies and typos. To boost performance, ensure all parts of the prompt prompt are addressed and carefully verify data values against the chart before finalizing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response presents an overview and describes key figures for 1975, but fails to address the year 1995 specified in the task prompt.
Ensure all time periods and major elements mentioned in the task prompt are fully addressed and accurately reported.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organized by gender groups, making the main details easy to follow.
Use a wider variety of cohesive devices to link comparisons between male and female figures more fluidly.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, though there are occasional spelling mistakes and repetitive phrasing.
Proofread carefully to fix spelling slips like 'contrats' and vary vocabulary when describing data estimates.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence structures show reasonable control with mostly clear meaning, despite minor punctuation and spacing errors.
Ensure correct spacing after sentence punctuation and check subject-verb agreement in complex sentences.