The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
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Sample Response
The chart illustratesThe graph provides a comparison of the number of male and female workers in the Republic of Freedonia in various employment sectors in the year 1975.
Overall, the public non-defence sector reported the highest numbers of both male and female personnelhighest number of men and women. This is in sharp contrast with the public defence sector , which had the lowest number of workerswith the lowest number of workers.
DeleteStatistics show that the public (non-defence) sector had the highest volume of male employeeshighest number of males, approximately 850,000 workers, which was followed by wholesale and retail tradefollowed by the wholesale and retail trade with roughly 680,000 male workers. The manufacturing sector employed nearly 670,000 men. Furthermore, the finance and banking sector accounted for approximately 430,000 workers, andaccounted for approximately 430,000 and the communications sector recorded nearly 360,000 male workers. The lowest number of males was in the public (defence) sector at roughly 230,000 menwith roughly 230,000 males.
Regarding female workers , the public (non-defence) sector reported the highest number, nearly 640,000 females. The wholesale and retail trade sector employed nearly 550,000 females. This was followed by manufacturing, withby the manufacturing with nearly 300,000 and communications, withand the communications with 250,000 female workers. The lowest figures for females were in financeThe lowest numbers of females least amount of females were in the sector of finance, roughly 130125,000, and the public defence sector, which had no more than 50,000 female workers.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response effectively presents key features and accurate data points from the provided chart, supported by a clear overview paragraph. Paragraphing is logical, moving systematically from an overall summary to specific descriptions of male and female employment statistics. To improve further, ensure minor drafting slips are thoroughly edited out and attempt to integrate more direct comparative language between genders within individual sectors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Key details from the chart are selected and accurately presented alongside a clear summary overview.
Incorporate direct comparisons between male and female figures within sectors rather than listing them in separate paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report is logically structured into clear paragraphs with appropriate organizational signals throughout.
Ensure self-corrections or repetitive phrasing are fully cleaned up so transitions remain completely smooth.
Lexical Resource
A good variety of vocabulary is used appropriately to report data and describe sector figures.
Proofread carefully to eliminate redundant word combinations such as listing two synonym phrases together.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence structures show good variety and grammatical control, with very few minor errors.
Vary sentence starters more frequently when introducing data figures across different sectors.