The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
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Sample Response
The graph provides a comparisonvisual representation of the number of male and female workers in the Republic of Freedonia in various employment sectors in the year 1975in year 1975.
Overall, the public non-defence sector reported the highest number of men and womenmales and females. This is in sharp contrast with the public defence sector with the lowest number of workersleast amount of workers.
Statistics showshowed that the public (non-defence) sector had the highest number of males, approximately 850,000 workers, which was followed by the wholesale and retail trade with roughly 680,000 male workers. The manufacturing sector employed nearly 670,000 menconsisted of nearly 670,000 males.Furthermore, the finance and banking sector accounted forfinance and banking reported approximately 430,000 and the communications sector recorded nearlythe communications nearly 360,000 male workers. The lowest number of males was in the public defence sectorpublic (defence) field with roughly 230,000 males.
Regarding female workersAs for the females, the public (non-defence) sector reported the highest number, nearly 640,000 females. The wholesale and retail trade sector employedwholesale and retail trade showed nearly 550,000 females. This was followed by the manufacturing with nearly 300,000 and the communications with 250,000 female workers. The lowest numbers of femalesleast amount of females were in the sector of finance, roughly 125,000finance, nearly 250,000, and the public defence sector, which had no more than 50,000 female workers.and the public (defence) with no more than 50,000 female workers.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response effectively organizes data from the chart and provides a clear summary overview supported by structured body paragraphs. However, a significant data misreading in the finance sector and minor errors with countable nouns detract from overall precision. Focus on double-checking chart figures accurately and refining the usage of quantifier expressions to achieve higher accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear overview and highlights main trends across sectors, but it contains an inaccurate figure for female workers in the finance sector.
Verify all numerical data carefully against the visual chart before writing to ensure complete accuracy.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically grouped into gender-specific paragraphs, creating a smooth and progressive flow of details.
Incorporate direct comparative linkers between male and female figures within paragraphs to strengthen logical connections.
Lexical Resource
A good variety of vocabulary is used to describe sectors and trends, though there is a minor misuse of uncountable quantifiers for countable people.
Replace expressions like 'least amount of workers' with 'smallest number of workers' when referring to countable nouns.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammatical structures are varied and largely accurate, with only minor punctuation and spacing slips present.
Ensure consistent spacing after sentence periods to maintain flawless presentation of complex sentences.