The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
Sample Response
The line graphs illustrate the number of male and female workers in various sectors in Freedonia in 1975 and 1995. It is evident that manufacturing, trade and non-defence public sector employed most number of people.
From the graph, it is clear that in 1975, male workers were involved in much greater numbers than females especially in manufacturing where about 700 men per thousand were involved which was more than twice the number of females. Similarly, men were employed over five times the number of females in banking. In all the other sectors men were considerably ahead in terms of employment in 1975.
Then in 1995 female employment rocketed in communications, becoming almost double of that for males (300). It surpassed the male employment in retail trade as well (800 women per thousand employees). Except in manufacturing where the situation remained the same as 1975, women employment increased significantly in all the other sectors.
Thus it is clear that male employment was much higher in 1975 compared to women but women employment have rocketed through the 20 years and has surpassed the male employment in some sectors.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct superlative phrase Original: employed most number of people Suggested revision: employed the greatest numbers of people Why it matters: The superlative quantity requires 'the greatest numbers' in this context.
- 2. Correct manufacturing value Original: about 700 men per thousand were involved Suggested revision: about 650 men per thousand were employed Why it matters: The 1975 graph places the male manufacturing figure near 650, and 'employed' is the precise term.
- 3. Correct banking comparison Original: over five times the number of females Suggested revision: over three times as many as women Why it matters: The graph shows roughly 430 men versus 130 women in finance and banking, not a ratio above five to one.
- 4. Clarify time progression Original: Then in 1995 Suggested revision: By 1995 Why it matters: 'By 1995' more clearly signals a comparison with the earlier year.
- 5. Correct comparison structure Original: double of that for males Suggested revision: twice the male figure Why it matters: 'Twice the figure' is the correct comparative construction.
- 6. Clarify the reference Original: It surpassed the male employment Suggested revision: Female employment also exceeded male employment Why it matters: Naming the subject directly avoids the vague pronoun and improves the collocation.
- 7. Name the visuals accurately Original: line graphs Suggested revision: graphs Why it matters: The visuals compare paired points rather than plotting continuous lines.
- 8. Use plural quantity Original: number Suggested revision: numbers Why it matters: Plural 'numbers' distinguishes the separate male and female figures.
- 9. Specify the coverage Original: various sectors in Freedonia Suggested revision: six employment sectors in Freedonia Why it matters: The graphs show exactly six named employment sectors.
- 10. Signal the overview Original: It is evident that Suggested revision: Overall, Why it matters: An explicit overview marker makes the main summary easier to identify.
- 11. Use exact sector names Original: manufacturing, trade and non-defence public sector Suggested revision: manufacturing, wholesale and retail trade, and the non-defence public sector Why it matters: The replacement matches the sector labels shown and supplies the required article.
- 12. Use employment collocation Original: involved Suggested revision: employed Why it matters: 'Were employed' is the precise collocation for workforce figures.
Suggested Rewrites
- employed most number of people employed the greatest numbers of people
- about 700 men per thousand were involved about 650 men per thousand were employed
- over five times the number of females over three times as many as women
- Then in 1995 By 1995
- double of that for males twice the male figure
- It surpassed the male employment Female employment also exceeded male employment
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is well organised by year and identifies the broad shift toward greater female participation, supported by several useful comparisons. Its main weakness is data accuracy and selection: banking was not more than five times higher for men, and female employment in the non-defence public sector did not increase. Check each comparison against both graphs and summarise the stable male pattern more explicitly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report presents a relevant overview and several major changes, but it contains inaccurate comparisons and omits the broadly stable male employment pattern across the two years.
Verify each numerical comparison and highlight both central trends: strong female gains in several sectors and little overall change in male figures.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from the overview to 1975 and 1995 details, with clear paragraphing and effective time-based organisation.
Integrate the concluding trend into the opening overview and use the final paragraph for any remaining key comparison rather than repeating earlier points.
Lexical Resource
There is enough range to describe changes and comparisons, but repeated or awkward collocations such as ‘women employment’ and ‘double of that’ limit precision.
Use natural forms such as ‘female employment’, ‘twice the male figure’, and ‘the largest numbers of workers’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response employs varied complex sentences, although recurring agreement, article, and comparative-form errors reduce grammatical control.
Check noun modifiers and agreement carefully, particularly ‘female employment has risen’ and ‘twice the number of female workers’.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.