The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
Sample Response
The line graphs illustrate the number of male and female workers in various employment sectors of the Republic of Fredonia in the year 1975 and 1995. The first point to note is that the highest number of male and female workers were occupied in the public sector and wholesale and retail trade sector in both years.
Public sector occupied the same number of employees in both two years that is 840 males and 640 females in a thousand employee. Wholesale and retail trade sector stands close behind with 650 male and 460 female employees in the year 1975, while a slight reverse order in the year 1995 with 800 females and 650 males per thousand. Manufacturing section consumes almost an equal number of employees in both years with 600 males and half of its females. Interestingly, almost an equal number of employees in communication sector in the year 1975 with 24% and 25% females and males respectively, changed to its double in female workers and with the same number of male workers in the year 1995. This same trend was shown in finance and banking sector. However, defence public sector occupied the lowest number with 10 female and 210 male workers out of a thousand workers in the year 1975 and 100 females and its double male workers in the year 1995.
In conclusion, it is clear from the graphs that, there are fluctuations in the number in both years. But male employees are more compared to females in almost all the sectors in the given years.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name the visuals accurately Original: line graphs Suggested revision: charts Why it matters: The visuals compare plotted sector values rather than displaying continuous lines.
- 2. Correct the country name Original: Fredonia Suggested revision: Freedonia Why it matters: The country name is misspelled.
- 3. Use plural time reference Original: in the year 1975 and 1995 Suggested revision: in 1975 and 1995 Why it matters: The original singular phrase cannot introduce two different years.
- 4. Use the correct actor Original: Public sector occupied the same Suggested revision: The non-defence public sector employed the same Why it matters: A sector employs workers; it is not itself occupied by them in this construction.
- 5. Fix the year phrase Original: in both two years that is Suggested revision: in both years: Why it matters: Both and two are redundant, and a colon correctly introduces the figures.
- 6. Correct values and units Original: 840 males and 640 females in a thousand employee Suggested revision: about 850,000 men and 650,000 women Why it matters: The chart uses thousands and shows approximate values of 850 and 650 thousand.
- 7. Keep past tense Original: stands close behind Suggested revision: ranked next Why it matters: Past tense is needed when reporting data from 1975 and 1995.
- 8. Correct 1975 figures Original: 650 male and 460 female employees Suggested revision: about 700,000 men and 550,000 women Why it matters: The wholesale and retail values in 1975 are approximately 700 and 550 thousand.
- 9. Complete the contrast Original: while a slight reverse order Suggested revision: whereas the order was reversed Why it matters: The original phrase lacks a finite verb and does not form a complete contrast clause.
- 10. Correct 1995 figures Original: 800 females and 650 males per thousand Suggested revision: about 780,000 women and 700,000 men Why it matters: The 1995 wholesale and retail points are roughly 780 and 700 thousand.
- 11. Use accurate collocation Original: Manufacturing section consumes Suggested revision: The manufacturing sector employed Why it matters: Sector and employed are the appropriate terms for workplace data.
- 12. Clarify manufacturing data Original: 600 males and half of its females Suggested revision: about 650,000 men and 300,000 women Why it matters: The chart shows stable manufacturing figures near 650 and 300 thousand in both years.
Suggested Rewrites
- line graphs charts
- Fredonia Freedonia
- in the year 1975 and 1995 in 1975 and 1995
- Public sector occupied the same The non-defence public sector employed the same
- in both two years that is in both years:
- 840 males and 640 females in a thousand employee about 850,000 men and 650,000 women
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies several broad gender patterns and includes a useful range of sector comparisons, so the report remains generally understandable. Its main weakness is precision: multiple figures for wholesale and retail are inaccurate, communications data are wrongly expressed as percentages, and some trend claims are too broad. The highest priority is to verify the units and values in both graphs, then select a few exact cross-year comparisons that support a clearer overview.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report covers all six sectors and identifies some key gender patterns, but several values, units and cross-year comparisons are inaccurate or insufficiently qualified.
Use employee numbers throughout and verify each selected figure, particularly for wholesale and retail, communications, and finance and banking.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction, detail and conclusion give the report an overall structure, but the long central paragraph and vague links make progression within the comparisons uneven.
Divide the details into two focused paragraphs, grouping stable male-dominated sectors separately from sectors where female employment rose markedly.
Lexical Resource
The response shows enough vocabulary to describe sectors and change, but recurrent collocational choices such as "occupied employees" and "manufacturing consumes" reduce precision.
Use conventional chart language such as "employed", "accounted for", "remained stable", and "rose to".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex forms communicates the main meaning, although agreement, article, plural and clause-structure errors recur throughout.
Prioritize accurate subject-verb agreement and noun phrases, especially when stating numbers of male and female employees.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.