The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
Sample Response
The line graphs show employment figuresthe information about employment scenario in FreedoniaFredonia by gender in six different employment sectors induring 1975 and 1995. It is very clear from the overall trend that men generally outnumbered women inwere pretty much dominating the job markets both during 1975 and 1995, but women made progress in the given 20-year periodgiven 20 years period. According to the first graph that depicts the employment figuresstatus in 1975, there were far more male employees in all the employment sectors than female employeesthan its opposite sex. Nearly half of the employees in the manufacturing industry were men. Most strikingly, 75% of financial sector employees were male. However, women appeared to be competing for shoulder to shoulder against their male counterpart in the communication sectors. Turning to the 1995 data, female employment had increased significantlyfemales had made a significant improvement in securing jobs in different employment sectors. NotablyOn top of that, women outmatched menthe male counterpart in securing jobs in communication and wholesale and retail trade sectorwholesale & retail trade industry. Furthermore, about two-thirdsFurthermore, nearly half of the communication sector employees were women. In the finance sectorIn finance sector as well, women were not very far behind. Comparing the two graphs, it seems very clear that between those two yearsin between those twenty years the number of male employees in these sectors remained broadly stablehad remained considerably the same, but there was a considerable increase in female employmentincrease of female employees in the majority of these job sectors.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response recognises the main twenty-year shift, including women's gains in communications and wholesale and retail, and moves logically from 1975 to 1995. However, it largely replaces the chart's employee counts with inaccurate percentage claims and provides almost no numerical evidence; prioritise reporting representative figures in thousands and checking derived comparisons before adding them, while also using more formal and precise employment vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main gender shift and several sector comparisons are identified, but key claims use unsupported percentages instead of the employee totals shown and some are inaccurate.
Support the overview with accurate figures, such as women rising from about 250,000 to 550,000 in communications and to 800,000 in wholesale and retail.
Coherence and Cohesion
The chronological movement from 1975 to 1995 is clear and linking is functional, although the single paragraph and repeated overview language limit structure.
Use a separate overview followed by one detail paragraph for each year, ending without repeating the same general trend.
Lexical Resource
The response shows some range in employment vocabulary, but informal and awkward phrases frequently weaken precision.
Replace expressions such as pretty much dominating, opposite sex, and competing shoulder to shoulder against with neutral comparative language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence forms conveys the main meaning, but article, preposition, agreement, and noun-form errors occur regularly.
Check articles and number agreement in phrases involving sectors, counterparts, and increases in employment.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.