The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
Sample Response
The provided illustrations compare the male and female workers in different employment sectors in Freedonia over 20 years of time by providing data for the years 1975 and 1995. As is observed from the given line graphs, women were far behind in employment in Freedonia in 1975 but within 20 years they made remarkable progress almost in all sectors and went well ahead of men in communications and wholesale & retail trade sectors. The graphs compare the number of male and female workers in 6 different sectors of Freedonia per thousand. In 1975, more men than women were employed in almost all the mentioned sectors of job categories. For instance, approximately 650 men were employed in manufacturing-related jobs compared to only 300 women per thousand of total employees in the same sectors. In almost all other cases, the numbers of male employees were much higher than the women and in communication sectors men were a bit ahead than female in their employment ration. After 20 years, in 1995, women made outstanding progress in Freedonian job sectors. For instance, in communication sectors, almost 600 female were employed compared to 300 male workers per thousand. Women went ahead of men in wholesale & retail trade sectors too. Except for the public sectors (non-defence) women hold the trends of progress compared to men in all other sectors. In 1975 only about 40 women worked in defence sectors and this number grew to more than 100 per thousand after 20 years. In summary, women did remarkable progress in Freedonian job fields over 20 years and they went ahead of men in many job sectors.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove awkward wording Original: all the mentioned sectors of job categories Suggested revision: almost all six sectors Why it matters: This phrase is unnecessarily wordy and does not naturally describe the chart categories.
- 2. Use correct unit Original: 650 men were employed Suggested revision: 650,000 men were employed Why it matters: The chart reports employee numbers in thousands, so 650 represents 650,000 workers.
- 3. Correct the unit Original: 300 women per thousand of total employees Suggested revision: 300,000 women Why it matters: The value is a total measured in thousands, rather than a rate per thousand employees.
- 4. Use singular sector Original: sectors Suggested revision: sector Why it matters: The comparison refers only to manufacturing, so the singular noun is required.
- 5. Compare like terms Original: the numbers of male employees were much higher than the women Suggested revision: the numbers of male employees were much higher than those of female employees Why it matters: Numbers must be compared with numbers rather than directly with people.
- 6. Fix article and number Original: in communication sectors men Suggested revision: in the communications sector, men Why it matters: The chart presents one communications sector, which needs a definite article and a comma after the introductory phrase.
- 7. Fix comparison form Original: a bit ahead than female Suggested revision: slightly ahead of women Why it matters: The correct comparative construction is 'ahead of', and the plural noun matches 'men'.
- 8. Correct spelling Original: ration Suggested revision: ratio Why it matters: 'Ration' is a spelling error for the intended word 'ratio'.
- 9. Use precise term Original: Freedonian job sectors Suggested revision: Freedonia's employment sectors Why it matters: This wording is more natural and matches the categories shown in the graphs.
- 10. Correct figure and noun Original: almost 600 female were employed Suggested revision: about 550,000 women were employed Why it matters: The 1995 communications figure is approximately 550 thousand women, and 'women' is the correct plural noun.
- 11. Report total accurately Original: 300 male workers per thousand Suggested revision: 300,000 male workers Why it matters: The graph gives the number of employees in thousands, rather than a per-thousand rate.
- 12. Use singular form Original: defence sectors Suggested revision: the defence sector Why it matters: Only one defence sector is shown, and the definite article makes the reference specific.
Suggested Rewrites
- all the mentioned sectors of job categories almost all six sectors
- 650 men were employed 650,000 men were employed
- 300 women per thousand of total employees 300,000 women
- sectors sector
- the numbers of male employees were much higher than the women the numbers of male employees were much higher than those of female employees
- in communication sectors men in the communications sector, men
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s clearest strength is its overview of women’s broad employment gains and their leads in communications and wholesale and retail trade by 1995. However, the supporting detail is selective and sometimes imprecise, while awkward wording and one-block organisation reduce polish. The highest priority is to compare all six sectors systematically, highlighting unchanged manufacturing and the sharp finance and banking increase with accurate figures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview identifies the broad rise in female employment and two important reversals, but several major sector trends are omitted and some figures are imprecise.
Cover all six sectors selectively, especially unchanged manufacturing and the large finance and banking rise, using figures that match the graphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report follows a broadly logical movement from 1975 to 1995, though repetition and presentation as one continuous block weaken progression.
Separate the overview and the two years into purposeful paragraphs, grouping related comparisons and avoiding repeated summary claims.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for describing changes and comparisons, but recurring collocational and word-form problems reduce precision.
Use accurate combinations such as “made remarkable progress,” “employment ratio,” and “female workers,” while avoiding vague phrases such as “job fields.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex structures, but agreement, comparison, and noun-form errors recur despite meaning remaining clear.
Proofread plural forms and comparative structures, particularly phrases such as “more men than women” and references to workers in multiple sectors.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.