The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.
Sample Response
The bar graph illustrates the duration of free time enjoyed by male and female with various professional status in a typical week in 1998-99. At the first glance, it is clear that jobless and pensioner people had a longer idle time to enjoy and men enjoyed more leisure hours than women.
It is crystal clear that the highest spare hours were available to those who didn’t work or who retired from their jobs. It is worth noticing that, men regardless of employment scenario, had more hours to kill than that of females. As it is presented in the diagram, full-time employed people had fewer leisure hours than people with other professional states. Male who worked from 9 to 5, had approximately 43 hours of free time per week whereas, females had roughly 38 hours spare time to relish. No data was given for the part-time employed men, meanwhile, women with this working status had exactly 40 hours to appreciate during the week. On top of that, housewives had 10 more free hours than the part-time employed females in a week.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural nouns Original: male and female Suggested revision: males and females Why it matters: Plural nouns are needed because the chart represents groups of men and women.
- 2. Use chart terminology Original: professional status Suggested revision: employment statuses Why it matters: Employment status is the precise category shown in the chart.
- 3. Remove the article Original: At the first glance Suggested revision: At first glance Why it matters: The fixed expression is at first glance without the.
- 4. Use category labels Original: jobless and pensioner people Suggested revision: unemployed and retired people Why it matters: These terms match the employment categories displayed in the chart.
- 5. Use natural phrasing Original: a longer idle time to enjoy Suggested revision: more leisure time Why it matters: The proposed phrase is concise and accurately describes the measured quantity.
- 6. Correct the collocation Original: highest spare hours Suggested revision: most leisure time Why it matters: English uses most leisure time rather than highest spare hours.
- 7. Open the parenthesis Original: men regardless of Suggested revision: men, regardless of Why it matters: A comma is needed before the interrupting phrase regardless of employment status.
- 8. Use precise category Original: scenario Suggested revision: status Why it matters: Employment status is more precise for the categories in this chart.
- 9. Keep formal tone Original: more hours to kill Suggested revision: more leisure time Why it matters: Hours to kill is too informal for an academic report.
- 10. Fix the comparison Original: than that of females Suggested revision: than women Why it matters: The comparison is between men and women, not hours and females.
- 11. Name employment groups Original: professional states Suggested revision: employment statuses Why it matters: Professional states is not a natural term for these chart categories.
- 12. Fix data agreement Original: data was given Suggested revision: data were provided Why it matters: In formal academic usage, data takes a plural verb here.
Suggested Rewrites
- male and female males and females
- professional status employment statuses
- At the first glance At first glance
- jobless and pensioner people unemployed and retired people
- a longer idle time to enjoy more leisure time
- highest spare hours most leisure time
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s strongest feature is a clear overview identifying unemployed and retired people as having the most leisure and men as generally receiving more than women. Its main limitation is incomplete selection of key data, especially the missing figures for the two highest categories, while awkward collocations and frequent grammatical slips reduce precision. Prioritise reporting the unemployed and retired values directly, then revise comparisons in natural, controlled language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview identifies the main gender pattern and highest-leisure groups, and the details accurately cover full-time, part-time female and housewife data, but the key unemployed and retired figures are omitted.
Add the approximate male and female values for the unemployed and retired groups and compare these two highest categories directly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a recognisable introduction, overview and detail sequence, although the overview is repeated and connectors and punctuation sometimes make progression mechanical.
Keep one concise overview and organise the detail paragraph by employment category using fewer, more precise linking phrases.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range to describe work status and leisure, but recurring expressions such as “hours to kill,” “professional states” and “spare time to relish” are inappropriate for a formal report.
Use neutral chart vocabulary such as “employment status,” “leisure time,” “recorded” and “accounted for” consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the main meaning, but frequent article, agreement, comparison and comma-placement errors reduce control.
Correct plural noun phrases such as “men and women,” remove misplaced commas around clauses, and form comparisons with “than women” rather than “than that of females.”
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.