The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.
Sample Response
The given bar graph depicts the hours of leisure time enjoyed by men and women in a typical week in different employment sectors in the year 1998-99. The first point to note is that, only mild variations between both sexes of free time enjoyment in the given year.
It is clear from the graph that, unemployed and retired people are spent more time for enjoyment and males are dominant than females irrespective of employment status.
Interestingly, almost equal hours are spent for relaxation by both men and women in unemployed and retired sections. It occupied around 85 and 75 hours by men and women respectively. Whereas, only around half of this figure engaged with free time in employment section with 42 and 38 hours by men and women respectively. Part-time employed women and housewives are engaged 40 and 50 hours respectively in leisure time activities and the figure for these sectors for men is not mentioned in the graph.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise chart term Original: The given bar graph Suggested revision: The bar chart Why it matters: This is a more concise and natural label for the visual.
- 2. Use status categories Original: sectors Suggested revision: statuses Why it matters: The categories describe employment status rather than economic sectors.
- 3. Remove misplaced comma Original: graph that, Suggested revision: graph that Why it matters: A comma should not separate the reporting clause from its content clause.
- 4. Use active past tense Original: people are spent Suggested revision: people spent Why it matters: People spent time, so the passive form is incorrect here.
- 5. Use chart wording Original: more time for enjoyment Suggested revision: more leisure time Why it matters: This directly and naturally expresses the quantity measured by the chart.
- 6. Use matching noun Original: males Suggested revision: men Why it matters: Men matches the chart label and pairs naturally with women.
- 7. Correct comparison form Original: are dominant than females Suggested revision: had more leisure time than women Why it matters: Dominant cannot be used with than to compare these quantities.
- 8. Limit the comparison Original: irrespective of employment status Suggested revision: in every category where both sexes are shown Why it matters: The chart gives no male values for part-time employees or housewives.
- 9. Describe values precisely Original: almost equal hours Suggested revision: similar amounts of time Why it matters: The male and female figures differ by roughly seven hours in both groups.
- 10. Match measured activity Original: for relaxation Suggested revision: on leisure Why it matters: The chart measures leisure time generally, not relaxation alone.
- 11. Use category term Original: sections Suggested revision: categories Why it matters: Categories is the appropriate word for the employment-status groups.
- 12. Use natural phrasing Original: Part-time employed women Suggested revision: Part-time female employees Why it matters: This is the standard noun phrase for women working part time.
Suggested Rewrites
- The given bar graph The bar chart
- sectors statuses
- graph that, graph that
- people are spent people spent
- more time for enjoyment more leisure time
- males men
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies the broad leisure-time hierarchy and includes figures for every employment category, so its main message is generally clear. Its main limitation is imprecise comparison: figures for unemployed and retired people are collapsed together, while frequent awkward or incomplete constructions reduce clarity; the priority is to present each category’s male-female comparison separately in accurate, complete sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response gives a relevant overview and covers all categories, but some comparisons are ambiguous or insufficiently differentiated.
Report the unemployed and retired figures separately and distinguish missing male data from genuine gender comparisons.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overview and details follow a broadly logical sequence, although paragraph roles overlap and some linking is awkward.
Use one concise overview paragraph followed by a detail paragraph organised around the highest and lower leisure-time groups.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to describe the chart, but inaccurate collocations such as free time enjoyment and engaged hours recur.
Use precise chart language such as spent, recorded, and had more leisure time rather than forcing less natural synonyms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent agreement, clause, and sentence-completion errors weaken control.
Check that every sentence has a clear subject and finite verb, especially after introductory phrases and contrast markers.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.