The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.
Sample Response
The chart shows the duration of leisure enjoyed by men and women in a typical week in 1998-99, according to their gender and employment status.
Generally speaking, male enjoyed more leisure time than women, and employed people had less free time for pastime activities than retired and unemployed people.
Among the full-time employed people, men had about 45 hours of leisure time on an average per week compared to 38 hours for women. No data is given for the part-time employed men. Women from this category, enjoyed 40 hours of leisure time in a week. This figure is slightly more than the employed women, perhaps because of their employment nature.
Unemployed and retired people had the longest period of leisure activity both for men and women, and men had a slightly more hours to spare than women. As expected, the retired and unemployed people enjoyed about 78 to 82 hours per week which is longer than people from other employment status. Lastly, housewives enjoyed approximately 50 hours of pastime which was more than the employed women but less than the unemployed and retired women.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural noun Original: male Suggested revision: men Why it matters: The plural noun agrees with the comparison between male and female groups.
- 2. Correct fixed phrase Original: on an average Suggested revision: on average Why it matters: The standard expression is “on average.”
- 3. Fix phrase and comma Original: from this category, Suggested revision: in this category Why it matters: Use “in” for membership and omit the comma between the subject and verb.
- 4. Compare like quantities Original: slightly more than the employed women Suggested revision: slightly higher than that for full-time employed women Why it matters: The amount of leisure time must be compared with another amount, not with people.
- 5. Use precise measure Original: longest period of leisure activity Suggested revision: greatest amount of leisure time Why it matters: The chart measures weekly hours of leisure rather than the duration of one activity.
- 6. Place both correctly Original: both for men and women Suggested revision: for both men and women Why it matters: Place “both” directly before the two coordinated groups.
- 7. Remove extra article Original: a slightly more hours Suggested revision: slightly more hours Why it matters: The plural comparative phrase does not take the article “a.”
- 8. Correct data range Original: 82 Suggested revision: 85 Why it matters: The chart shows approximately 78 hours for women and up to about 85 hours for unemployed men.
- 9. Use plural category Original: status Suggested revision: categories Why it matters: Several different employment groups are being compared, so a plural form is needed.
- 10. Use neutral period Original: typical week Suggested revision: an average week Why it matters: “An average week” describes the weekly figures more precisely.
- 11. State grouping directly Original: according to their gender and employment status Suggested revision: by gender and employment status Why it matters: The concise prepositional phrase clearly identifies how the data are grouped.
- 12. Use chart terminology Original: pastime Suggested revision: leisure Why it matters: “Leisure activities” matches the subject of the chart more directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- male men
- on an average on average
- from this category, in this category
- slightly more than the employed women slightly higher than that for full-time employed women
- longest period of leisure activity greatest amount of leisure time
- both for men and women for both men and women
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear overview and selects the main comparisons accurately, with effective coverage of all employment groups and the gender pattern. Its main limitation is that some figures are grouped too broadly and a few language errors weaken precision; the highest-priority improvement is to compare the unemployed and retired categories separately with their exact values while checking agreement and countable-noun forms.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and accurate coverage of all categories identify the principal gender and employment-status contrasts.
Report the unemployed and retired figures separately and avoid the unsupported speculation about employment nature.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the overview to employed groups and then to those with the most leisure time.
Make the final comparison slightly more explicit so each high-leisure category is distinguished rather than grouped together.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, although expressions such as 'employment nature' and repeated uses of 'pastime' are awkward.
Use more natural combinations such as 'type of employment,' 'free time,' and 'hours of leisure.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A useful range of sentence structures is controlled well enough for meaning to remain consistently clear despite several local errors.
Check plural agreement and countable forms, especially 'men enjoyed,' 'slightly more hours,' and 'other employment statuses.'
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.