The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.
Sample Response
The bar graph illustrates the amount of time that was spent on leisure activities per week by male and female from various employment statuses between 1998 to 1999 period. It is clear that that unemployed and retired man and women had the highest leisure time among the other groups. Total time spent on leisure activities by the unemployed and retired male and female groups were the highest among the other groups. Times spent by the unemployed and retired men were approximately 85 and 84 hours per week, while the women's were the same at around 79 hours. As for the full time employed male and female, their weekly figures were accounted at an average of 45 and 38 hours respectively. It is noticed that in the part-time employed group, the amount of leisure time for the men was zero, while the women spent around 40 hours per week. And lastly, the number of leisure time that was spent by housewives on a weekly basis was accounted at approximately 50 hours.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural people nouns Original: by male and female Suggested revision: by males and females Why it matters: The chart refers to groups of men and women, so plural nouns are required.
- 2. Correct time range Original: between 1998 to 1999 period Suggested revision: during the 1998-1999 period Why it matters: During is the appropriate preposition before a named period; between would require and.
- 3. Remove repeated word Original: clear that that Suggested revision: clear that Why it matters: The second that is an accidental repetition.
- 4. Use parallel plurals Original: man Suggested revision: men Why it matters: Both gender nouns must be plural because the statement refers to groups.
- 5. Correct superlative phrase Original: highest leisure time among the other groups Suggested revision: most leisure time of all the groups Why it matters: Most leisure time of all is the natural superlative comparison across every category.
- 6. Use uncountable time Original: Times spent by Suggested revision: The time spent by Why it matters: Time is uncountable when referring to the weekly amount of leisure.
- 7. Clarify female figures Original: while the women's were the same Suggested revision: while the figures for women were the same Why it matters: The possessive form cannot stand for a numerical figure without a clear head noun.
- 8. Correct employment label Original: full time employed male and female Suggested revision: full-time employed men and women Why it matters: Full-time is hyphenated as a modifier, and the gender nouns should be plural.
- 9. Report values directly Original: were accounted at an average of Suggested revision: were approximately Why it matters: Values are reported at a level; they are not accounted at an average.
- 10. Punctuate respectively Original: 45 and 38 hours respectively Suggested revision: 45 and 38 hours, respectively Why it matters: A comma is needed before respectively at the end of the clause.
- 11. Use direct chart reference Original: It is noticed that Suggested revision: The chart shows that Why it matters: Direct reporting is clearer and avoids an unnecessary passive construction.
- 12. Distinguish missing data Original: the amount of leisure time for the men was zero Suggested revision: no figure was provided for men Why it matters: The absent male bar indicates that no value is shown, not that men had zero leisure time.
Suggested Rewrites
- by male and female by males and females
- between 1998 to 1999 period during the 1998-1999 period
- clear that that clear that
- man men
- highest leisure time among the other groups most leisure time of all the groups
- Times spent by The time spent by
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response identifies the highest-leisure groups and reports most displayed figures accurately, including the male-female differences among full-time workers, unemployed people, and retirees. Its main limitation is treating the absence of a male part-time bar as zero, alongside repetitive wording and frequent grammatical errors. The priority is to distinguish missing data from a zero value and organise the comparisons by employment group without repeating the overview.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview and most category values are accurate, but the report incorrectly interprets missing male part-time data as zero.
State that no male figures are shown for part-time employment or housework and compare only categories where both sexes are displayed.
Coherence and Cohesion
The categories follow a generally logical order, but the overview is immediately repeated and the entire response remains one paragraph.
Use a separate overview and group unemployed and retired people together before comparing the remaining employment categories.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for hours and employment groups, but repeated phrases and inaccurate collocations limit flexibility and precision.
Use expressions such as 'had approximately 85 hours of leisure', 'the corresponding female figure', and 'no figure is provided'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains clear, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, noun forms, and prepositions occur across the response.
Check plural agreement and countability in phrases such as 'men and women had', 'the amount of leisure time', and 'between 1998 and 1999'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.