The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.
Sample Response
The bar chart compares the leisure hours enjoyed by male and female based on the employment status during the year 1998 to 1999.
Overall, the bar chart shows the number of leisure hours spent during retirement and unemployment is high when compared to employment period. In addition, males enjoy more leisure hours per week when compared to females.
It is clearly evident from the graph that female in all respective of employment status enjoys time killing when compared to male. Men and women, who are unemployed and retired, spent more leisure hours when compared to employed people. Unemployed males (85 hours per week) and females (78 hours per week) only show a slight difference in hours spent for leisure time. Similarly, retired employees (male75 hours per week, female 82 hours per week) spent almost same leisure hour irrespective of gender.
In contrast, the number of leisure hour spent by employed males is 42 hour weekly and by female employees, this was around 40 hours per week. Housewives spent almost 10 hours more than employed females (50 hours per week).
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural nouns Original: male and female Suggested revision: males and females Why it matters: Plural nouns are needed because the chart compares groups of people.
- 2. Clarify comparison basis Original: based on the employment status Suggested revision: across employment statuses Why it matters: This phrase states the chart's grouping more naturally and precisely.
- 3. Correct time phrase Original: during the year 1998 to 1999 Suggested revision: in 1998–99 Why it matters: The data cover a single reported period spanning these two years.
- 4. Use direct comparison Original: when compared to females Suggested revision: than females Why it matters: Use than for this concise comparative structure.
- 5. Remove separating comma Original: Men and women, who Suggested revision: Men and women who Why it matters: The relative clause identifies which men and women are being discussed.
- 6. Remove second comma Original: retired, spent Suggested revision: retired spent Why it matters: A comma should not separate this identifying relative clause from the main verb.
- 7. Use than Original: when compared to employed people Suggested revision: than employed people Why it matters: Than forms the comparison directly and avoids unnecessary wording.
- 8. Place adverb clearly Original: only show a slight difference Suggested revision: show only a slight difference Why it matters: Placing only before the quantified difference makes its scope clear.
- 9. Avoid awkward phrasing Original: hours spent for leisure time Suggested revision: leisure hours Why it matters: Leisure hours is the natural term for the quantity shown.
- 10. Name group accurately Original: employees Suggested revision: people Why it matters: The chart identifies people by retired status rather than as current employees.
- 11. Correct retired figures Original: (male75 hours per week, female 82 hours per week) Suggested revision: (about 83 hours per week for men and 78 for women) Why it matters: The chart shows retired men at roughly 83 hours and retired women at about 78.
- 12. Fix noun phrase Original: spent almost same leisure hour Suggested revision: spent almost the same amount of leisure time Why it matters: The phrase needs the article and an uncountable measure of leisure time.
Suggested Rewrites
- male and female males and females
- based on the employment status across employment statuses
- during the year 1998 to 1999 in 1998–99
- when compared to females than females
- Men and women, who Men and women who
- retired, spent retired spent
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response has a clear structure and identifies the broad contrast between non-working and employed groups. Its main weakness is inaccurate reporting: the retirement figures are reversed, one statement contradicts the chart’s gender pattern, and the part-time category is largely omitted. Prioritise checking every comparison against the visual and presenting the missing categories accurately before refining grammar and word choice.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A relevant overview and several key figures are given, but the retirement values are reversed, a gender comparison is contradictory, and part-time employment is omitted.
Verify each value and comparison against the chart, including the categories shown for only one gender.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response uses a clear introduction, overview, and detail paragraphs, although contradictory statements weaken progression within the main comparison.
Organise details consistently by employment group and ensure each sentence supports rather than reverses the overview.
Lexical Resource
There is some appropriate chart vocabulary, but awkward or inaccurate phrases such as 'time killing' and 'in all respective' reduce precision.
Use conventional comparative language and accurate collocations for leisure time, employment status, and weekly figures.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms communicates the main ideas, but agreement, article, plural, and tense errors recur throughout.
Check subject-verb agreement and plural count nouns systematically, especially in sentences comparing men and women.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.