The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.
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Sample Response
The chart illustrates the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women with different employment statuses, namelywith different employment status namely, full-time employed, part-time employed, unemployed, retired, and homemakershousewives.
Overall, unemployed and retired males and femalesmale and female enjoyed the greatest amount of spare time, whereas those in full-time employment experienced considerably less free time.had considerably less. Additionally, data for part-time work and domestic roles were recorded only for females,part-time employed and housewives were available only for women, with no corresponding figure for men.
On the one hand,In one hand, around 82-83 unemployed and retired mennot working and retired men maintained the highest figure to enjoy leisure time, while slightly lower figures were recordedwhile it is recorded slightly less for women, accounting for approximately 78 hours.accounting for approximately 89. In contrast, the number was significantly less for individualsgender who were committed to full-time employment standing at approximately 42 for men and 37 for women,male and 39 for women, respectively.
On the other hand,In other hand, the number for men involved in part-time or household work waswere absent. However, women of the same employment status noticeably enjoyed more leisure time, standing at exactly 40 hoursstanding at sharp 40 for part-time employed and 50 hours for housewives.and 50 for housewives.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The essay successfully presents a clear overall trend and identifies major key features from the chart. However, significant numerical inaccuracies in the body paragraphs and faulty transitions reduce clarity. To improve, focus on double-checking data figures against the source image and using correct idiomatic linking expressions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview is provided, but several specific data points are reported inaccurately, such as misstating the female figures for unemployed and retired categories.
Verify all numerical values carefully against the chart before describing specific figures in your details paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organized into paragraphs, but cohesive devices are occasionally misused or faulty.
Replace inaccurate transitional phrases like 'In one hand' and 'In other hand' with correct discourse markers such as 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a basic range of vocabulary related to employment and leisure, though phrasing errors and imprecise word choices occur.
Practice using precise noun phrases and correct collocations when describing statistical data and categories.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammatical structure is varied in intent, but frequent errors in agreement, prepositions, and sentence construction are present.
Review subject-verb agreement and prepositional phrases to increase sentence accuracy.