Cinema attendance in some countries is on the decline. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it?
Sample Response
Although cinemaAlthough, cinema is becoming increasingly popular all over the world, Deletebut the result of recent researcha recent research reveals a downward trend in cinema viewersreveals a downward trend cinema viewers affecting many countries Deletein relation to this. This essay will discuss both causes of this trend and will propose a solution to this problemsolution to solve this problem. Firstly, one of the main causes for the number of cinema goers to decline is the easy and fast internet access. Unlimited movie download servicesfacility from the Internet as well as watching it online is giving people the opportunity to watch their favourite movies at homehomes. ‘Globalization and popularity of foreign movies’ are two other reasons why people do not go to movie theatres to watch locally made movieslocal-made movies. The quality of local-made movies has declined in many countries and that’s why many people think it isdoes not worth to go to the cinema hall to watch a movie. There are some small measures that could be taken to reduce the seriousness of this issuedecrease the sensitivity of this issue, restrictionsrestriction on Internet providers for free online movie videos could be an effective measure. Movies are copyrighted and the unlawful access to copyrighted materials for free should be controlled. In particular, the film industry can fileregister a police report against online service providers for copyright infringementillegal copyrights of the original movies and free access to watch these. The quality of local movies should be enhanced to attract more people to watch themit in the cinema halls. In summary, the above problems can be solved to some extent by applying the suggested measures. It can be predicted that the drop in cinema attendance could be controlled by taking proper measures.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response addresses both the causes of declining cinema attendance and plausible remedies, with relevant ideas about online access, copyright enforcement, and improving local films. Its effectiveness is reduced by the lack of paragraphing, limited development, and frequent awkward sentence construction and collocations; the highest priority is to organise causes and solutions into clear paragraphs and explain each measure more precisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both causes and measures, naming internet access, foreign films, weak local films, copyright control, and improved local quality. Development is limited because the essay is very compressed and the measures are not explained in enough practical detail.
Develop two causes and two measures in separate paragraphs, explaining how each one affects cinema attendance.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has no visible paragraphing, so the introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion run together. Some linking is present, but sentence boundaries are weak and several ideas are joined mechanically.
Use four paragraphs and begin the solution section with a clear transition such as Several measures could address this decline.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is relevant to the topic, including cinema attendance, online movie videos, copyrighted materials, film industry, and local movies. However, word choice and collocation errors are frequent, including movie download facility, local-made movies, decrease the sensitivity, and register a police report.
Use natural film and policy vocabulary: streaming and downloads, locally made films, reduce the seriousness of the problem, and file a complaint.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses some complex structures, but frequent errors with articles, clauses, prepositions, and sentence construction reduce accuracy. Meaning is usually understandable, but several sentences need rewriting.
Avoid starting with Although plus but, and check each long sentence for a clear subject, verb, and object.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Cinema attendance in some countries is on the decline. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.