In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages?
Sample Response
Nowadays, people leaving homes at an early age - is quite commonis quite in a vogue. Some people consider that staying away from home at a young age, eitherin young age either to study or for work has more advantages than disadvantages. In my opinion, leaving parents behind and moving apart has moremany drawbacks than benefits.
Today, the world has become more competitive than before. With the rapid modernisationgrowing advancements and modernization, the desire for power, money, and a better lifestyle has also increasedlust for power, money, better lifestyle has also increased a lot. Young people always try to cope withcope up with this fast moving world. Hence, in pursuit of their goalsin search for their desires they move away from parents and home at an early age either to study further or in search for better jobs. I admit that this is essential, as it provides exposure, increases job prospectsperspective, better salary, modern lifestyle and so on, but there are disadvantages as well. These are as follows:
First of all, youngsters when they move out, they are totally unaware of the world and its challenges. They initially feel isolated and sometimes feel homesick. This can lead to depression if they don't find a way to get rid of it. For example, a student may find it difficult to stay alone after he/she has stayed with the family for a long time. Secondly, problems of accommodation may arise as moving to a new place and finding a proper room to live is quite a tedious job. At this pointAt this point of time, people may get frustrated and cannot concentrate on the goal they moved there to achievethe goal that they have been here to achieve. Lastly, one of the most common problemsa most common problem that many people face is self-satisfaction. If they find themselves not satisfied, they tend to indulge in activities that are not acceptable to societythe society. For example, salary and promotion issues compel workers to commit crimes such as theft, robbery etc.
To conclude, for all the above-mentioned points, it is essential for the parents to be with their children to support them, encourage them to move further and above all provide them with love and care. Therefore, in my view, though there are some advantages of leaving homes early but disadvantages are far more than that.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear view and develops several relevant disadvantages of leaving home through an easy-to-follow paragraph sequence. However, the advantages receive little development, while some claims are exaggerated and recurring collocation and grammar problems reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to build one substantive advantages paragraph before weighing it against the disadvantages, using direct academic wording and controlled sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response clearly argues that leaving home has more disadvantages and gives several relevant reasons. However, some ideas are exaggerated, and the advantages are acknowledged but not developed enough for a balanced comparison.
Develop one clear advantage paragraph before explaining why the disadvantages are stronger.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and the sequence is easy to follow. Some transitions are formulaic, and the list of disadvantages could be grouped more logically.
Use topic sentences that name the main category of disadvantage, such as emotional pressure, practical problems, and risky behaviour.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally adequate, but there are frequent unnatural collocations and some informal or imprecise expressions.
Replace memorised phrases with direct academic wording, especially for trends, employment, and social problems.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar control is mixed: meaning is usually clear, but errors with articles, comparative structures, and clauses occur regularly.
Review comparative forms such as "more drawbacks than benefits" and reduce overly long sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.