When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Many people regard salary ascontemplate their salary as the most importantsalient feature of their job while others believe that other aspects could be more important. In my opinion, a job should have an ethical purposeethical demands and needs to be aligned with one's passionpassion-oriented and salary is not the most important aspect.
First, it is important to examineLet us first examine why passion is a prominent part of people's professional liveslife and is more importanthold more importance than salary. No doubt, passion motivates peoplepassion acts as the fuel that drives people to withstand the difficult aspects of their workcaustic side of their work. If people choosechose a job that is not connected to their passion, they will become unhappyfall victim to depression and perform poorly at their jobs no matter the salary. On the other hand, if we examine successful people's stories, we would find that almost all of them have been in careershave been in the career that they were passionate about. ConsiderSuppose Bill Gates or Steve Jobs, both of them were tech enthusiasts, and therefore took technology as the basis of their careersthe means of their career.
Besides, a job needs to be ethically meaningfuldemanding and people need to find something to do for humanity and society besides the remuneration it offers. Doing something for people will not only provideDoing something for people not only will provide mental satisfaction but also will strengthen the purpose of their workingjob life. Take Mother Teresa or Nelson MandelaMother Theresa or Nelson Mandala for an example. Both of them are highly admired for their workworks for humanity and they did their best because they knew they were doing something for others and to make the world a better place.
To conclude, salary is somewhat important for people to support their expenses but if they do not feel attached to their work, they will feel exhausted in their life. They will also be suppressed by the undue pressure that could have been avoided if they had the passion and ethical purpose in their workethical context in their job. This is why salary is not the most important aspect of a career.
[WrittenWrittne by - Amin ]
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay’s strongest feature is its clear disagreement with the claim and its coherent development of passion, ethical purpose, and personal fulfilment as alternatives to salary. Its main limitation is that some examples are exceptional rather than representative, while several expressions are overly dramatic or imprecise. The highest-priority improvement is to explain how purpose affects ordinary career choices and express that point in more natural academic language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response clearly disagrees with the statement and supports the view with passion, ethics, and purpose. Examples are relevant, though the ethical-demands point could be explained more precisely.
Explain how ethical purpose affects ordinary job choice, not only famous humanitarian examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well paragraphized and progresses from opinion to reasons and conclusion. Some transitions are slightly broad, but the argument remains easy to follow.
Use topic sentences that show the relationship between salary, passion, and ethical purpose more explicitly.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally flexible and expressive, with terms such as salient, remuneration, passion-oriented, and mental satisfaction. A few word choices are unnatural or too dramatic.
Replace overgeneral or awkward expressions such as ethical demands and caustic side with precise academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is mostly controlled, with effective complex sentences. There are some tense, article, and phrase-level errors, plus a spelling error in the attribution line.
Proofread for tense consistency and proper names after finishing the essay.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.