Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
With the exponential growth of technologygrowth of the technology in recent times, we are also seeing its wide and varied application in all walks of life; one application islife one among it is to track the movements of people and their activitiesdoings. This application can be a benefit or a drawbacka boon or a bane but in my view, the harmful effects outweigh the useful outcomes. Firstly, increasedincreasing intrusion in one's private lifeone’s life events without consent is seen as a violationdenial of privacy which is a fundamental right. This can be viewed as a major emotional setback as occurred in the caseas it happened in the case of phone tapping row in America which resulted in clashes between the government and the publicclashes between government and public. Not only does it leadNot only it leads to distrust among people but it also disturbsbut also disturbed the existing social harmonysocial harmony which existed. Furthermore, the data collected by monitoring can be misused if they end upif it ends up in the wrong handsin wrong hands. For example, people can use these data to extort money or events like ATM fraudfrauds and credit cards frauds or leakage of private images on the internet damaging the reputation of the concerned individual. HoweverAlthough, one cannot deny that these activities of surveillance by designated authorities can prevent attacks on humanityany attack on humanity by antisocial actors such as terroristsantisocial elements like terrorists thus maintaining peace and harmony in the society. Moreover, this kind of monitoringthese kinds of monitoring at a certain level can be used by the employers for employee appraisal to identify employees who deserve rewardsby knowing the right candidate deserving rewards for his hard work. To conclude, as every coin has two sides similarly use of technology to keep track of people also has its own advantages and disadvantages though in my opinion disadvantages outweigh advantages by a small margin.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear judgment that surveillance causes slightly more harm and supports it with relevant discussion of privacy, data misuse, security, and employee assessment. Its strongest feature is the direct comparison of benefits and risks, while some examples are loosely connected and frequent sentence-level errors reduce clarity. Prioritise explaining why the privacy and misuse risks outweigh the security benefits by the stated margin.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A consistent comparative position is supported by relevant disadvantages and advantages, though the weighting implied by 'a small margin' is not explicitly justified.
Compare the seriousness and likelihood of privacy abuse against security gains to show why the disadvantages are marginally greater.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response moves clearly from its position through two disadvantages and two advantages to a conclusion, but absent paragraphing and some faulty connectors reduce cohesion.
Separate risks and benefits into paragraphs and attach the sentence beginning 'Although' to a complete main clause.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate range for privacy, crime, and surveillance, but several strained collocations and imprecise examples weaken accuracy.
Use precise terms such as 'invasion of privacy,' 'unauthorised surveillance,' 'data breaches,' 'public safety,' and 'performance monitoring.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are attempted and meaning remains broadly clear, but agreement, tense, article, inversion, and sentence-boundary errors occur regularly.
Correct the 'not only...but also' structure, maintain tense consistency, and divide overloaded example sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.