The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
It is certainly true that the position of women in society has undergone a dramatic change in the past twenty years, but I do notyears but I do not feel that this is a direct cause of the apparentindisputable increase in juvenile-related problems during this period. It is now accepted that young women should seek employmentyoung women should find work afteron leaving school; indeed, to relyindeed to rely totally on their parents' financial support is no longer an option for many families. Likewise, once they get married, most women continue to workthe majority of women continue working since the financial pressures of establishing a householdsetting up a house and establishing a decentreasonable standard of living often require two incomes. Twenty years ago it was common for women to give up work once they had children and devote their time to caring for their children. This is no longer the general rule and the provision of professionally runprofessionally-run child care facilities and day nurseries hashave removed much of the responsibility for child-rearing that used to fall to mothers. However, these facilities come at a cost and often require two salaries coming into a family to be afforded. I do not believe that the increase in the number of working mothers has resulted in children being brought up less successfully than beforeless well than previously. Indeed, it couldIndeed it could be argued that by giving mothers the opportunity to work and earn extra money, childrenearn extra money children can be better provided for than previously. There is more money for luxuries and holidays and a more secure family life is possible. Of course, there are limits onlimits as to the amount of time that should ideally be spentamount of time that ideally should be spent away from home and the ideal scenario would be for one of the parents (often the wife) to have a part-time job and thus be available for their children before and after school. It is important to establish the correct balance between family life and workworking life.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response offers a clear, measured disagreement and its strongest point is that working mothers can provide financial security while professional childcare preserves child-rearing support. Its main limitation is that the essay does not directly explore alternative causes of juvenile problems, and the single-block structure hides the progression. Prioritise a separate paragraph comparing parental employment with stronger causal factors such as peers, schools, or social conditions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A consistent disagreement is supported by relevant financial, childcare, and family-balance arguments, though alternative causes of youth problems are omitted.
Contrast working mothers with at least one more plausible cause of juvenile delinquency to challenge the claimed causal link directly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The reasoning progresses logically from social change to childcare, financial benefits, and balance, but the entire response forms one paragraph.
Separate the position, economic context, childcare rebuttal, and qualified conclusion into focused paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and natural across social, financial, and childcare topics, with only minor repetition.
Reduce repeated references to 'previously' and 'children' by using clear, controlled substitution where appropriate.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is generally accurate, with occasional agreement, punctuation, and attachment lapses.
Correct agreement in 'the provision ... has removed' and clarify the sentence about two salaries affording childcare.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.