Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In the past, it was a common custom that the one who was responsible for the upbringing of children - was the mother only; the fathers' responsibility was to earn the livings and provide a good life. However, this belief has changed in recent yearsa change in the belief took place in the previous few years; nowadays, some people claim that fatherhood should be emphasised much more. Although some people believesee that fathers must contribute to the upbringing of childrencontribute in the bringing up of children and it is not solely the mother's responsibilityit's not only mother's responsibility, others still believe thatother people still see that it is solely the mother's responsibilityit's only mother's responsibility. "Of course me and my husband, George!" said Miss Karmen when she was asked who was in charge of bringing up her child, she added, "Oh, I really cannot do this alone; my child needs both of us". If a child interacts and plays only with his motherinteracts and plays with his mother only, that will lead to difficulty interacting with other peopleimproper dealing with other people including his fatherdad. The fact that the father provides money and the mother handles upbringingfather for money and mother for upbringing is absolutely outdated. A kid needs the care of both the father and the motherboth the father and mother's care but the father may often be busy at workfather would be mostly busy at works so ultimately the mother would have to spend more time with the childkind. But the father should spend as much time as possible with his kids after returning from workgetting back from the work. Actually, some people still adhere to their point of view despite the preceding argumentregardless the prior information claiming that parents must contribute, but in different waysyet in their way; each parentone is responsible for only one thing. We have an example, Robert Frans, a teacher in a high school in Australia; he said: "Why I have to tire myself more, it's my wife's own business". I believeFor me I actually think that fatherhood ought to be emphasised, but not as much as motherhood. I think a mother's share in upbringingmothers' share in upbringing should be more than that of fathers.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response engages with the role of both parents and eventually states a qualified position that fathers should contribute substantially. Its main limitation is weak development: the single paragraph moves through invented quotations and loosely connected claims without clearly explaining the extent of agreement. The highest priority is to state the position at the outset and build two focused paragraphs that justify how parental responsibility should be shared.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses shared parenting and gives a final position, but the extent of agreement emerges late and supporting ideas remain unevenly developed.
State the qualified view in the introduction and support it with clearly explained reasons rather than unattributed anecdotal quotations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a broad line of thought, but its single-paragraph form, abrupt shifts, and loosely connected examples weaken progression.
Organise the essay into an introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion, with each paragraph advancing one clear claim.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss the topic, but frequent collocation and word-form problems reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace awkward phrases such as earn the livings, contribute in, and busy at works with accurate standard collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted and the main meaning is usually accessible, but agreement, article, preposition, punctuation, and sentence-boundary errors recur.
Use shorter controlled sentences and systematically check articles, possessives, prepositions, and verb forms before adding complex clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.