Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent.͒ Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In the modern worldcontemporary epoch, individuals are either reliant or living on their own, and this issue frequently generatesit frequently generates considerable debatea distinguishable deal of heated debate. Some peoplecommunities believe that there is greater dependencea substantial increase in being dependent on others in the current generation. In contrast, the opposing view arguesthe opposite school of thought propounds that people have become more independentthey live by themselves. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I will discusstalk through both perspectives with relevant examplescredible illustrations and explain why I support the latter viewalong with the certitude of the latter stance.
Analyzing the given assertion and explaining further, some peoplecommodities feel that they still depend on others even in the modern erathe cutting-edge era. It is due to the impoverished educational system and children’s upbringingkids’ upbringing in India. Children are provided with numerous amenities and are extremely pampered by parents starting from their early school yearsprimary days of schooling till their formalformer education is completed. Therefore, it makes teenagers rely on elders even for fundamental survival and are gradually manipulated to obey their words. In a similar fashion, individuals suffering from anxiety and stress are advised to seek therapeutic supporttherapy aid. This eventually makes patients receive help with their psychological difficultiesget assistance for their psychological hurdles. Hence, people are dependent on elders and professional advisers for their survival and happiness.
Turning to the other viewProbing ahead, there are many ways in whicha plethora of aspects where individuals are working on their own and leading satisfying livesmaking their lives satisfied by staying independent. This makes them content, and they are able to face any sort of circumstances. To exemplify, university students are living by themselves rather than requesting monetary assistance from parents. They are employed in multifarious part-time jobs and are able to pay their college fees, loans and everyday expenses. Furthermore, women in India used to depend on their male partners to look after their children and for fundamental survival. However, the modern scenario is entirely different, and they are making their livelihood. Thus college-goers and women are substantially independent and taking remarkable care of themselves.
Considering everything, there are various factors where the public is either reliant or on their own. Therefore, I opine that apart from children and medical patientsdespite children and medical patients, others strive hard to be independent and successful in their lives.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response fully covers both perspectives, gives a clear preference for greater independence, and supports its points with relevant examples in a logical paragraph structure. Its main weakness is an overambitious, formulaic vocabulary style that produces frequent unnatural or inaccurate expressions and occasionally blurs otherwise sound ideas. The highest priority is to replace inflated phrasing with precise, idiomatic language while sharpening the explanation of why modern conditions create dependence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed with relevant support, and the writer’s preference for the independence view is clear, although parts of the dependence argument are not fully tied to modern-world change.
Explain more directly why each example demonstrates increasing modern dependence and evaluate the two views comparatively before reaffirming the opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are logically grouped and the response progresses clearly from one view to the other and then to the conclusion, despite some conspicuous formulaic transitions.
Use simpler, meaning-led transitions and ensure each paragraph moves from claim to explanation to example without stock introductory phrases.
Lexical Resource
The essay displays a broad vocabulary, but frequent awkward or incorrect choices such as “some commodities,” “former education,” and “making their lives satisfied” reduce naturalness and precision.
Choose familiar words with secure collocations, reserving less common vocabulary for contexts where its meaning and grammatical behavior are fully controlled.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence forms is used with generally good control, though occasional agreement, coordination, and construction errors remain noticeable.
Review complex sentences for consistent subjects and parallel verb structures, especially when coordinating two consequences or descriptions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent.͒ Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.