Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In modern societyIn the modern society, many people believe that dependence has increaseddependence is a new trend in their daily livesbasis, ; others reject this notionothers reject this notion, holding the opposite viewa totally opposite opinion. In this essay, I shall explain my point of view by analysing both sides of the argument.
There are, however, a number of reasons connected with the reliance on each other in recent years. Firstly, since our jobs are becoming more complicated and specialised, teamwork and coordination among various departments and group activitiesdepartments group activity are more crucial than individual achievements. Admittedly, successful management and leadershipa successful management and leadership brings about various benefits, ranging from time-saving to cost-efficiency, A stronger punctuation break is needed before therefore.therefore the ability to work in teams is a common requirement at the workplace. Secondly, people rely on technology and technical specialistsmen rely on technology. Apparently, since technology has influenced most human activities. As a consequence, people need to depend on specialist technicians in each area to sort out issues in their everyday life.
On the other hand, many may argue that people are more independent for certain reasons. Perhaps financial freedomPerhaps the financial freedom could be the primary cause of this situationprimary causes leading to this situation, especially among young peopleespecially by the young people. For instance, more and more young people choose to do part-time jobs during their studies. This gives them a great economic independenceeconomical independent as they do not need to depend on their parents for their pocket money. Moreover, thanks to the wide availability of the internetgreat popularity of the internet, people can easily find solutions for their problems without any help.
As discussed above, I am convinced that people have become more independent, in spite of their dependence on others in certain aspects.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents both perspectives in a clear four-paragraph structure and maintains a definite view that modern people are more independent overall. However, parts of the dependence discussion drift toward reliance on technology, while thin examples, sentence fragments, and awkward phrasing weaken precision. The highest priority is to build each side around specific examples of dependence between people and independence, explaining clearly why the latter is more convincing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay discusses both views and gives a clear opinion that people have become more independent despite some dependence. The ideas are relevant, but some examples are thinly developed and the dependence argument sometimes becomes technology dependence rather than dependence on other people.
Develop each view with more precise examples of social, economic, or technological dependence and independence, then explain why independence is stronger overall.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear four-paragraph structure and uses basic contrast markers effectively. However, some sentences are fragmented, and internal progression within the dependence paragraph is occasionally unclear.
Make every paragraph begin with a direct topic sentence and ensure each example clearly supports that topic.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for society, work, teamwork, technology, financial freedom, and independence. There are several awkward collocations such as daily basis, economical independent, and sort out issues.
Use natural collocations such as everyday life, economic independence, solve problems, interdependence, and specialist support.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay attempts complex sentences, but errors in sentence boundaries, subject-verb agreement, articles, and word forms are frequent. Meaning is generally clear, though several clauses need restructuring.
Revise long sentences into shorter complete sentences, and check adjective-noun forms such as economic independence.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.