Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
From my point of view, this development has more benefits, although it has some drawbacksdrawbacks to a certain extent.
It is true that technology used to monitor peoplethe technology of monitoring people canwould violate the privacy of individuals. Citizens have no privacyno private room and can't keep personal information privatekeep their secrets, which would undermine the quality of their daily liveslife significantly. No matter where they go and who they meet, all of them are subjected to surveillance by othersare exposed under the monitoring of others. Furthermore, some people are even unaware thatunaware of that they are being monitoredare under monitoring. It renders some outlaws take advantage of these technologies and then commit some serious crime to the innocent people, for example, tracking, committing fraud, even murdering. People are placed in a vulnerable positiona very passive position because they don't know they are monitored by the state of the art devices.
Despite the argument above, monitoring technology can produce positive resultsthe monitoring technology can lead to the positive result as long as we can oversee and control it properly. It can be used to monitor some sensitive locations with high crime ratesrate by theour police. There are many real-life examples in whichinstances in our real life that real-time monitoring can help the police prevent crimehelp police to prevent crime from happening as they can monitor some specific spots all the time. For instance, once suspects show up under the camera, the police can take prompt action to bust them in advance so that no one gets hurt during the action. Nevertheless, making good use of the monitoring technology has to ensure all of them are under control of our authority rather than criminals. To sum up, although this development has some potential drawbacks like being used by criminalscriminal to commit crimes and violate individuals’ privacycommit crimes and violate the privacy of individuals, we can use it to help us prevent crimemake use of it to help us to prevent crime from happening as long as we ensure all of them are under our control.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s clearest strength is a consistent view that regulated monitoring can help prevent crime, and its main ideas are organised into a recognisable argument. However, the disadvantage discussion becomes logically unclear when criminals’ use of surveillance is linked to public monitoring, while frequent awkward collocations and grammar errors reduce precision. Prioritise clarifying that causal argument and revising sentences for natural verb patterns, articles, agreement, and reference.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses advantages and disadvantages and maintains a clear position, but parts of the reasoning are insufficiently clear or developed.
Explain more precisely how unauthorised monitoring arises from this development and weigh that risk directly against crime prevention.
Coherence and Cohesion
The main ideas follow a broadly logical sequence, although linking is sometimes mechanical and several pronoun references are vague.
Use clearer topic sentences and replace ambiguous references such as “all of them” with the specific people or technologies intended.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for the topic, but frequent unnatural collocations and word-choice errors weaken clarity and precision.
Revise combinations such as “private room,” “exposed under the monitoring,” and “commit some serious crime to” into natural English.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but recurring errors in verb patterns, articles, agreement, and clause construction sometimes strain comprehension.
Practise controlling one complex clause at a time, especially after verbs such as “render,” “ensure,” and “help.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.