Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
Technology provides a valuable, almost indispensable aid in our daily livesaid to our daily living. It helps us savesaving time, rememberremembering things, becomebeing more efficient and safer. It is therefore logical thatIt is thus a logical consequence that it is utilised as a tool to monitor social behaviour, in order to prevent or controlrestrain situations that could cause harm to others. This is indeed the main argument used by those who are in favour of the use of monitoring technologyin favour of the monitoring use of technology. Tracking phone calls and text messages could prevent terrorist attackspreventively stop terrorist attacks, uncover instances of state corruption, and help to investigate crimes. Security cameras have been proven to be an effective deterrent to petty crimean effective small-crime deterrent and allow citizens to move around the city without the constant fear of beingbeen robbed, pickpocketed or assaulted. We have to consider, however, that technology is not yet self-sufficienttechnology is yet not self-sufficient and can only provide a set of data that needs to be interpreted and checked by a human operator. A human operator, like any individual,The human factor, as any human factors, will, in turn, exist within a social structurebelong to a societal web and will, as Foucault would put it, follow a specific, pre-existing hierarchy of powerpre-ordered, hierarchy of power. The issue, then, is not whetherThe point at stake here is then not really if we do benefit from the monitoring use of technology, which we surely do, but if such social and disciplinary systemssocio-normative and reprimanded apparatuses could not, in fact, be turned against personal freedoms and facilitatenurture the rise of totalitarianism. George Orwell's famous novel "1984" provides a dystopic picture of the effects arising fromeffects born out of an excessive use of technology as a means of monitoringas a mean to monitor human lives. In my opinion, technology provides an effective way of preventing and punishing deviant behaviours but could very well, at some point, be used to coerce individuals. For this not to happen, a scrupulous policy regarding technological monitoringpolicy in regard to technological monitoring must be enforced at all timeshas to be effective at all times.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response's strongest feature is its sophisticated discussion of both public-safety benefits and the danger that human-controlled surveillance systems may erode freedom or enable authoritarian power. Its main limitation is that the final judgement remains conditional rather than explicitly stating whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, and the entire argument appears in one paragraph. Prioritise a direct weighing conclusion tied to specific legal safeguards, supported by clear benefit and risk paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response develops substantial advantages and disadvantages with relevant examples, but its conditional final position does not explicitly resolve which side outweighs the other.
State whether regulated surveillance produces a net benefit and specify the safeguards—such as warrants, transparency and independent oversight—on which that judgement depends.
Coherence and Cohesion
The reasoning moves coherently from safety benefits to human interpretation, threats to freedom and a conditional conclusion, but the single-paragraph presentation weakens structural clarity.
Separate the introduction, benefits, risks and final weighing into distinct paragraphs while preserving the logical transition from data collection to human power.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide and often precise, supporting nuanced discussion of surveillance and political power, though several ambitious collocations are inaccurate or obscure.
Prefer natural terms such as 'prevent attacks', 'petty-crime deterrent', 'repressive apparatus' and 'a means of monitoring' over strained alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of complex structures is handled with generally good control, despite several noticeable verb-form, article and agreement errors.
Correct forms such as 'helps us save', 'fear of being robbed', 'like any human factor' and 'a means of monitoring'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.