In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages?
Sample Response
It is increasingly commonIt is not uncommon these days that in many countriesin every country, young unmarried individuals are not living with their parents any longer because they choose to move away to study or workgo abroad for study or work purposes. However, with every major changein every certain change, there are always benefits and drawbacks which this essay will discussas I will now be discussing. My first point is, as a young adult, leaving homeleaving our homes to study or work overseas will benefit us personally and professionally. For instance, when I was studying for a three-month course for initial registration for overseas registered nurses at IHNA (Institute of Health and Nursing Australia) in Heidelberg Hts. Victoria, Australia, I learned a lot more about myself in that twelve-week programin that twelve weeks program, because of the unique space in which I learned, experienced and spent exploring Australian culturespent exploring an Australian culture. My maturity increasedMy maturity has increased as well as my self-confidence and I experiencedgained personal growth. Also, an entire range of professional opportunities has opened up to me after I finished the initial registration partly due to the skills and internship experiences I acquired in one of the prominent hospitals in Melbourne, the Royal Melbourne Hospital. Thus, I am now a professional ICU (Intensive Care Unit) nurse in a tertiary level and private hospital here in the Philippines, the Urdaneta Sacred Heart Hospital. On the other hand, leaving our home and familyleaving our own home & our family will make us feel homesick that may sometimes lead to depression. As for my experience in Victoria, I was so alone and always missed my parents. Even though technology existsEven if there is technology to help me communicate easilyto make my communication ready and accessible with them, still it was not enough. As a result, I almost got into a depressing state if only I did not learn how to copecope up. So these are the possible disadvantages of living away from home. In conclusion, I think that this trend will have a positive and negative impact onin our lives. But if we manage to adapt this situation, this will give us more benefits than problems. So in order for us to achieve this, perhaps we have to socialise more often with our classmates or co-workers to avoid depression.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response clearly addresses both sides of the trend and reaches a recognizable view that living away offers greater benefits, supported by a detailed personal example. However, that example dominates the argument, leaving the advantages and disadvantages too narrowly developed, while frequent language errors sometimes weaken fluency. The highest priority is to build each body paragraph around a general reason before adding concise evidence, then proofread articles, prepositions, and verb patterns.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay addresses advantages and disadvantages and gives a final view that benefits are greater, but the support relies heavily on one personal example.
Add more general reasons, such as independence, employability, loneliness, and financial pressure, so the argument is not only autobiographical.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a recognizable structure and paragraphing, but some linking is repetitive and the example dominates the progression.
Use topic sentences that state the general point before adding personal evidence.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally understandable and topic-relevant, though some phrases are informal, wordy, or inaccurate.
Use concise phrases such as live independently, career prospects, homesickness, emotional strain, and adapt to a new environment.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is usually clear, but there are frequent errors with articles, prepositions, pronouns, and verb patterns.
Check prepositions after impact and adapt, and simplify long example sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.