Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this option?
Sample Response
The increase inof crimes committed by young people is just one of the consequences of the way our society is evolving. In my opinion, the reason is precisely in the way children grow both at home and at school, where the lack of adults support often means to a child the need to learn by himself how to behave with people.
First of all, it is important to realize how the relationships between students and teachers have changed overthrough the last decade, since the introduction of electronic devices in our everyday life. The widespreadmassive use of such devices, like smartphones, is influencing not only the way a child behavesbehave with people, but also the way he thinks and approaches everyday situations. In this sense, a child using too manymuch electronic devices could develop the idea that school is uselessunuseful because he can learn whatever he needs from the internet, instead of listening to the teacheravoiding listening to the teacher.
Secondly, we should consider how the role of parents has changed since the technological revolutionafter technology revolution. Before computers became widely used for leisure purposeswere created for leisure purposes, children used to spend more time with parents or relatives once at home after schoolafter school lessons. Therefore, they used to acquire information mainly from other people they knew very well. Electronic devices have taken time away from adults and childrenstolen time to adults and children, weakening the relationships they had with each otherthe relationship they had among each others. The result is that many children prefer to learn new things by using the internet instead of asking relativesasking to relatives and spending time with them, as children had done for centuriesas it was for centuries in human history.
All these things considered, I strongly believe that the way people have changed their approachthe way people changed their approach to social relationships is adverselybadly affecting the growth of today'snowadays children. This lack of social and emotional learning will have really negative effects on tomorrow'stomorrow adults, with consequences difficult to predict.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear position and follows a logical paragraph structure, with relevant discussion of how technology may weaken children’s contact with parents and teachers. Its main limitation is that it does not adequately explain how this reduced social and emotional learning causes the stated rise in violent crime, and frequent collocational and grammatical errors reduce precision. Prioritise a direct, well-supported causal link to youth violence while proofreading agreement, articles, and prepositions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response gives a clear agreement position and relevant reasons about weakened adult guidance, but it leaves the connection to violent crime insufficiently developed.
Explain explicitly how reduced guidance produces violent behaviour and support that causal link with a specific, plausible example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is organised into purposeful paragraphs with clear overall progression, although some reasoning within paragraphs moves indirectly from technology use to the central claim.
Make each body paragraph follow a direct cause-and-effect chain from technology use through reduced adult guidance to poor social learning and violence.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for the topic and includes some less common language, but frequent collocational errors and unnatural word forms limit precision.
Replace inaccurate combinations such as unuseful, stolen time to adults, and tomorrow adults with conventional academic collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences communicates the main ideas, but recurring errors with agreement, articles, possessives, plurals, and prepositions remain noticeable.
Proofread systematically for forms such as a child behaves, too many devices, adults’ support, and asking relatives before refining more complex structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this option?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.